Sunday, December 29, 2013

Quick lil recap

I know that I haven't posted in far too long.  Suffice to say, it has been an up and down few months....pretty standard for life I think.  I did relapse for a bit I think but I was able to find support again and all is well.  Satan tried to get into my head and make me feel helpless, but I knew that wasn't true.  I know I'm not broken.  I know I'm not beyond help.  I know he just wants me to think that way.  My coach basically stopped coaching and my challenge group had ended and I felt like I was trying to coach some others while I was in desperate need of saving myself.  You can't help others and save others until you've helped yourself.

All is well now.

In fact, I'm pretty darn excited for 2014.

I'm starting up P90X3 and I'm beyond stoked to do this (30 minute) program and to complete it.  I have missed the structure of a program laid out for me.  I could have done better and stuck to another actual schedule after finishing ChaLean, but I used my triathlon training as an excuse.  (Oh yah.... I need to post about THAT.... I finished IronGirl!!!!!!!!!!).  In any case, it's going to be awesome and I'm ready to bring it.


I did the following post on FB tonight and felt it would be nice to just have the little recap here as well:
I wrote this in Feb: "Maybe these lousy results will help me be more focused and motivated with the prospect of being in a swimsuit at the end of this next month. It's either that or I feel it's pointless and doing no good and I should accept this really is the 'new me' from now on (these are the mind battles I have with myself). It occurs to me that this is how an addict feels- that their efforts are pointless, that they are defective human beings, that they can have a little bit of leeway and it won't make a big difference but they get upset when it adds up and does."

Then this at the end of April: "Today was the first day of the new challenge group I committed to participating in. It will be really great to have the accountability of a group to report to each and every day. I can't tell you how positive I feel about this...about it being 'right' for me...about having all the tools I need to have this be 'it' and the last time. "

I posted this in May: http://just4thehealthofit.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-whys-and-hows.html

Wrote this in June: "There is a mental power to feeling physically strong... especially when you feel like people look at you and see someone who is weak. Do you do that when you see someone who is overweight? You don't know what's really in there. "

I wrote this to myself in August: "These things do not define you, and yet they are you. Being a new and better person doesn't mean that you were a bad person before. It doesn't invalidate or lessen the worth of your self at any given stage in your life. You are simply at a different point in your life now. You are here because of what you've been through but you might have been here even without them. You might not be here without them. You could be in a different place, a much worse place, because of all this. You needn't feel bad. You are strong. You are a survivor. You have hurt and you have tried to take care of yourself and you have tried to protect yourself...all the best you could and the best you knew how with what you had at the time. You really did try your best with what you had and what you understood and where you were in your life."

and this: "I feel so empowered when I think of this. I think how just such a short time ago I was acting upon just a glimpse of a desire. I wasn't sure that this Beachbody thing would work but I had a small enough desire to give it a change. I was afraid of admitting to and facing an eating disorder, but I had just a glimmer of a hope that the change I saw in my husband could happen with me.

I haven't lost a ton of weight and yet I am finally able to envision that other me. The fit and healthy and unstoppable me. I see her again. I couldn't find her for a long time. I don't feel that it's like I'm some suddenly different person. I see it more as having been in a place of light for so long that my eyes had adjusted and I didn't see just how much brighter it could be.....I didn't realize not all the lights were on, until they were on. It's tasting that delicious fruit of the tree of life and wanting to share it with others because you didn't realize how much you were missing out on."

and I haven't really written on my blog since.... BUT I feel EXACTLY THAT WAY there at the end still. THAT's how I know this works and is going to keep on working. THAT'S why I am doing what I am doing.

You know what's funny? At a friend's suggestion, I started trying to come up with a single word to be my focus for the year. This year the word I chose was NOURISH. Man, I had no idea where that would take me. So awesome!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  I started the day by joining my Stake for a 5K first thing in the morning with these two.

Monday, November 25, 2013

porn and adultery

I like this blogger. 
"I don’t mean to concentrate only on married men. Porn is poison for everyone, married or not. And I’m not here to castigate you if you’ve stumbled. We live in a society that preys upon a man’s weaknesses, shoving sex into his face at hyper speed every day, all day, all of the time. This isn’t an excuse; just an attempt to put things into context. I won’t yell at a guy who fights a porn addiction anymore than I’d yell at a guy who fights a crack addiction. But at least the crack addict likely won’t encounter very many people (besides his dealer) who will tell him that it’s actually healthy to smoke crack. If he ventures outside of the abandoned shack where he scores his dope, he probably won’t find any respectable people who will say, “hey, crack isn’t a big deal — it’s totally natural to smoke crack, man!” In that way, the crack smoker has a leg up on the porn addict. The porn addict, by contrast, has to fight both the compulsion itself and the myriad of creeps who will try to convince him that it’s all just a bit of innocent fun.

That’s a lie, of course. It’s not innocent. It’s not fun.

I could cite for you the mounds of psychiatric research proving the detrimental effects of pornography on the brain. But you can do that research yourself."



Read more: http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/11/25/married-men-your-porn-habit-is-an-adultery-habit/

Friday, November 22, 2013

some things I am grateful for

I am grateful for exercise endorphins that remind you WHY you work out! No matter how you miss it or if you know the difference it makes for you, it can be SO hard to start again after a long hiatus (and I NEVER would have thought that it would become such a consistent thing for me that I would notice it's absence so much after just a few weeks). I am grateful to be able to work from home- both on my health goals and from a business standpoint. I'm grateful for effective programs that get it done in 30 minutes or less because I am BUSY. I am grateful. I am grateful for music and the power it has to power you through something and make you push yourself harder than you would otherwise. I'm grateful that I finally got to kill it with Les Mills today, and that after so long 'off' I didn't feel like I was going to die...I felt as great as ever. YAY!!! I'm grateful that when you are fit and may have setbacks from injury or illness, your body recovers so much differently and so much faster than it would otherwise. I used to use that as an excuse to not push myself as hard or not even try- I didn't want to injure myself or push my asthmatic lungs too much. Now I've learned how to listen to my body better (I knew what was going to happen going into IronGirl but I chose to take that risk for the reward) and I've learned that I can care for it AND push it and make it stronger and healthier. It wasn't like starting over back at square one after several weeks of nothing. I am so grateful for that. And seriously...this 'high'....I reallllly love the Les Mills Combat 30 workout.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

the worth of water

Ever just feel....'off'? That's me tonight. I know now that generally either means an emotion or conversation I am avoiding, or a lack of self-care. That's why I am holed up in my craft room to organize, clean, and take care of some unfinished projects. It is my self-care and I find that if I have things I am avoiding they will come naturally to me that way.

Monday, November 18, 2013

hello Monday

Why so cheery on a Monday morning? The shake I'm having for breakfast is dang good (greenberry with Mango naked juice), I'm full on rocking the legging with cozy socks and an oversized sweater just because I can, I started my day off right with the 40 days/40 nights challenge, and I'm fairly certain that today I will finally be able to exercise again! It's a great day to recommit to everything I want in life and to start fresh. I WILL finish the year out strong instead of getting distracted by the holidays.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

pornography opt-in

There is a petition going around regarding making pornography an opt-in item.  I think that my stance on pornography is pretty clear.  However, my brother posted his opinion on it on Facebook.  I think he makes some good points that are at least just worth thinking about.  We may not have the same opinion of pornography, but I can at least appreciate his point of view and I actually find it pretty in line with my thoughts.
Here is what he wrote:
"This is a comment about the internet porn opt-in idea. Not looking to start the inevitable huge discussion, just bringing up a point you might not have thought about. Also, it's going to be long, so if you don't feel like reading, it's fine to just pass it by. Facebook may not be the best political forum in the first place.
Sometimes people want to make burning the flag illegal. The problem is, what is the flag? That design, stars and stripes, right? If someone gets a tattoo of the flag, is it illegal to cremate them? What about a shirt with the flag printed on it? How much of something has to be the flag design to not be burned? What if you put the wrong number of stripes or different colors, still on a rectangle cloth and then burn it?

You run into the same problem with porn. What are you going to define it as? No nipples, no genitals, right? What about slightly transparent clothing? Really tight clothing? Body paint? What if I photoshop the nipples out? What if it's blurred? How blurry does it have to be to be blurry enough? Do art pieces featuring Venus get banned? Are naked people only allowed in paintings before 1900? And a statue of Lady Justice? What about medical reference material? Diagrams? And how about romance novel text, or written erotica? Does this person eating a phallic food provocatively count?

The point is, you have to create some sort of entity that has the authority to make these judgement calls. More poignantly, you have to create a government entity with the power to censor things people are putting out there. Now, since you've been skimming pretty quickly, I'll write that again - You have to create a government entity with the power to censor things people are putting out there. I hope I don't have to go too much into why that's kind of a problematic concept. For reference, here's the first amendment to the constitution: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Yep, Britain has started one. You might notice that what started as a porn filter also will now be blocking "violent material" "extremist and terrorist related content" "anorexia and eating disorder websites" "suicide related websites" "web forums" and "esoteric material." Now, if porn is a blurry line, you can imagine what happens with questions about violence or the line where religion becomes extremism. And the last two just give free reign to anything. (You may also recall that British laws lacked certain freedoms, which resulted in our current constitution.)

I could go on about what I saw in China, where the government does block unhealthy information in order to protect its citizens. And this discussion in general is a can of worms with the FCC, the NSA and so on. Opting in to see what should be other people's free speech will cause you to be flagged.

The point (and the tldr) is just that I want you, my friends and family, to understand another angle. I know that as parents, spouses, and individuals, porn may have affected your life negatively. You can still think porn is bad, but also think that a government entity that controls the information you see is bad, too."

You run into the same problem with porn. What are you going to define it as? No nipples, no genitals, right? What about slightly transparent clothing? Really tight clothing? Body paint? What if I photoshop the nipples out? What if it's blurred? How blurry does it have to be to be blurry enough? Do art pieces featuring Venus get banned? Are naked people only allowed in paintings before 1900? And a statue of Lady Justice? What about medical reference material? Diagrams? And how about romance novel text, or written erotica? Does this person eating a phallic food provocatively count?
The point is, you have to create some sort of entity that has the authority to make these judgement calls. More poignantly, you have to create a government entity with the power to censor things people are putting out there. Now, since you've been skimming pretty quickly, I'll write that again - You have to create a government entity with the power to censor things people are putting out there. I hope I don't have to go too much into why that's kind of a problematic concept. For reference, here's the first amendment to the constitution: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
Yep, Britain has started one. You might notice that what started as a porn filter also will now be blocking "violent material" "extremist and terrorist related content" "anorexia and eating disorder websites" "suicide related websites" "web forums" and "esoteric material." Now, if porn is a blurry line, you can imagine what happens with questions about violence or the line where religion becomes extremism. And the last two just give free reign to anything. (You may also recall that British laws lacked certain freedoms, which resulted in our current constitution.)
I could go on about what I saw in China, where the government does block unhealthy information in order to protect its citizens. And this discussion in general is a can of worms with the FCC, the NSA and so on. Opting in to see what should be other people's free speech will cause you to be flagged.
The point (and the tldr) is just that I want you, my friends and family, to understand another angle. I know that as parents, spouses, and individuals, porn may have affected your life negatively. You can still think porn is bad, but also think that a government entity that controls the information you see is bad, too."

Thursday, November 14, 2013

starting Christmas season early

I see a lot of you posting critiques of Christmas infringing upon the month of November and Thanksgiving. I just want to clarify that I really love Christmas and I really love Thanksgiving, and think that it's important to be thankful ALL year long. I think the stores have gone a little bit crazy, but I totally know they do it because the longer they have that stuff out and put you in the 'holiday spirit', then the more you are likely to spend overall during the season. It's all marketing and I am totally guilty of falling victim to it. However, I want to assure you, that this is not the case with crafters and those of us who make handmade items. For us, you getting a jump on your holiday planning and shopping means a more enjoyable holiday for us. We WANT you to have that extra special item because we know that sometimes makes a person's holiday. We WANT to be able to fulfill all orders and provide as much as possible, not just because it helps us with our own bank account and holiday shopping, but because it genuinely brings us joy to create something for you. We anxiously DO want your business and we anxiously want the holiday memories with our own families, and so it becomes a balancing act. When you think and plan ahead with handmade gifts in mind, it is SO helpful. We hope that you understand that many shops, ours included, will have to put an end to accepting orders and it may even be a few weeks before Christmas (in other words, just as some of you are getting started) just to keep it all together. I hope that you understand and realize that when we post things for Hobbyholica, we are doing so out of this spirit. We do not want to distract from the spirit of family and gratitude that can and should prevail in November. On the contrary, we do what we do because we LOVE it and feel SO GRATEFUL to have been blessing with talents that we enjoy and can share with others in a way that also blesses and benefits our family.

could that be a light I see

Feeling rather hopeful this morning. I can breathe just fine while walking at a normal pace again. YAY! I got in with the ENT this afternoon to hopefully take care of the vertigo episodes. I looked up rental listings and the newest rentals are significantly cheaper than they were even a couple weeks ago. So much more house for less money. One in our neighborhood that is the exact same house we are currently in may be worth looking into....but there are others still zoned for the same school that are larger and cheaper.... Now we just need to figure out what would happen if we found something and wanted to move NOW, BEFORE Christmas rather than waiting until the house sold (we currently have agreed that even if it sells it will be until Jan 1 before we would have to leave and that come Jan 1 our contract will convert to month to month). Keep praying and keeping your fingers crossed that all this madness can work to be a major blessing for our family.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

happy birthday to my husband

15 years ago I started dating my best friend. We have been on quite the roller coaster since but I wouldn't have another person by my side. Thank you Billy for working hard to be the man you are today. Thank you for your humility and sacrifices. Thank you for your work and dedication to making it possible for me to stay home. Thank you for your patience and love. Thank you for teaching me things and never judging me. Thank you for loving chances to care for me and for sometimes being the mother that I lack. Thank you for being a man that my mother loved from the beginning even when she saw your flaws. I'm so blessed that you two were able to be friends. I hope you have had a good day and feel the love you deserve to feel from myself and many around you.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

angel

Earlier today I sat on a bench in sheer exhaustion. Having begun to feel better, I made the mistake of moving about at a normal stride & even being quick about an errand to the store. Then, on top of that, I never got to bed at all last night.

I found myself back to where I was a week ago. Everything is a chore. Breathing incredibly painful. My heart feeling like it is out of control and going to jump out of my chest. Plus, I was incredibly tired and debating whether or not I should even attempt to drive myself home.

So I sat on the bench, trying to simply breathe without pain, trying to decide what to do, and feeling a little bit discouraged but mostly too tired to even feel anything. I must have looked pretty sad because a nice woman came up to me and told me she wanted me to have this 'pocket angel.' Isn't it beautiful? When I am weary I often long for my mother. I hadn't realized how that weighed on me until that moment as I sat there rubbing the smooth glass of the pocket angel in my hand. It reminded me of my mom's service as a TIP (Trauma Intervention Program) volunteer and the angel pins that she would give to those she served on her calls. It reminded me of visiting with my former art teacher Lisa Hinricksen just after my mom died and the little smooth pebble she gave me to keep with me and rub in my pocket to feel calm or feel her near...it is in my jewelry box right now next to my mother's rings. That also reminded me of another angel who helped me in that time of my life, my former English teacher Kellie M. Guild, who was able to ease my burden just a little bit by sharing her pain of losing a mother at a young age and who pointed me in the direction of a book that would end up providing me much comfort. She was also the reason I was in the place I was at the time I was today.

I have been blessed with so many angels in my life...in different ways and at different points in time. Today an angel blessed me with a little gift that I didn't even realize I needed. Thank you.


Thursday, November 7, 2013

thankful for you

I'm so grateful for the amazing and inspirational people I find myself surrounded by. I'm so awed by you and so blessed to know you. My life is richer for being full of people who have overcome tremendous hardship, who bless others while coping with their own heartaches, who chase after their dreams and live incredible lives with humility, who face fears and stand courageous, who actively work to LIVE rather than just exist, who strive to make a difference in their world. I hope that it all rubs off on me and I can one day be one of you. I did a very hard thing not terribly long ago and lost what I thought was my entire circle of friends. Instead, I have found a whole new world of amazing people opened up to me and I truly do feel so blessed and amazed to be surrounded by such awesomeness.

eat food

What are you putting into your body? Is it food or food-like? As a busy mother of four, I am all for fast, easy, and even sometimes prepackaged. However, they are far from created equal. Read those ingredient lists!! Can you pronounce it all? Do you know exactly what every ingredient is? Are the ingredients naturally occurring or chemical? This is one of the things I love about the Shakeology I drink. It isn't just a meal replacement. It isn't some vitamin. It is a powerhouse of REAL foods! That's right...freeze dried and ground. Naturally occurring sources of protein and superfoods and vitamins and minerals. It's real stuff. That's why it is the perfect complement to my clean eating lifestyle. I'm not perfect at it by any means, and I'm certainly not as strict about it as others I know. However, I know that at least once a day I'm getting a super dense dose of nutrition that is like putting the highest quality fuel in my body. I feel noticeably different, better, and my body functions more efficiently because it isn't weighed down by other junk.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

can I get an A-Men

AMEN! Amen is not a sufficient response to my agreement with this...but A-MEN!

http://thisisnotadiet-itsmylife.com/2012/11/23/health-is-not-a-size/

just do it

I let perfectionism get in my own way for SO long. It still creeps up on me from time to time. However, I have learned, and continue to learn, to recognize it for what it is. When I do that I can stop it and choose to let go. I personally believe we let perfectionism be a stumbling block for most of us.
This picture is of my worksheets I used while doing ChaLean Extreme. I tracked my weights and reps but you can see I also tracked my days missed. Now, some would have said to double up and do that missed workout...or would have pushed back their whole schedule to not ever miss one. Not me. I knew I would never stick with it that way and would constantly beat myself up for not being perfect. I chose instead to accept that I missed a day (maybe I was sick) or didn't quite finish a workout (the end of the summer the kids got more needy and I'm sure I had some other good excuse) and to move on ahead. You know what? I still had great results. I still had a change inside and out. I got to finish something and feel the pride and boost that comes from that. It was the same with the triathlon I just did. Did I do it perfectly? Absolutely not! Was I mad about the break I took to steady my breathing? Sure was. But I didn't throw in the towel. I kept going. That's what you need to do too.

Just do it. Just put one foot in front of the other. Just pick yourself up. Again. Just give it your best, or the best you can give today. Just keep swimming.


it's all bad

 “Soft-core pornography has a very negative effect on men as well. The problem with soft-core pornography is that it’s voyeurism—it teaches men to view women as objects rather than to be in relationships with women as human beings.”

(Gary Brooks, a psychologist who studies porn at Texas A&M, as quoted in Pamela Paul, “From Pornography to Porno to Porn: How Porn Became the Norm” (2010))


Another great share from Fight the New Drug

Monday, November 4, 2013

Houston, I have a problem.

Something is wrong with me. I'm sitting at a dr office (for the 3rd time in a week) because my lungs are still rebelling from the cold water at IronGirl...and yet I find myself looking up triathlons for next year. 
Anyone done Kokopelli? It says the water is warm for that.


Sunday, November 3, 2013

marriage

"You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married."

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

Saturday, November 2, 2013

sweet swag

This stuff showed up on my doorstep today and totally made my day.  Thanks IronGirl!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

airplane

I can't even tell you how incredibly timely this talk was when he first gave it.  I can't tell you, either, the countless number of times that it has come to my mind again and again.  Today is another.  I love this quote from it.
"Have you ever been in an airplane and experienced turbulence? The most common cause of turbulence is a sudden change in air movement causing the aircraft to pitch, yaw, and roll. While planes are built to withstand far greater turbulence than anything you would encounter on a regular flight, it still may be disconcerting to passengers.
What do you suppose pilots do when they encounter turbulence? A student pilot may think that increasing speed is a good strategy because it will get them through the turbulence faster. But that may be the wrong thing to do. Professional pilots understand that there is an optimum turbulence penetration speed that will minimize the negative effects of turbulence. And most of the time that would mean to reduce your speed. The same principle applies also to speed bumps on a road.

Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions."- DIETER F. UCHTDORF "Of Things That Matter Most"

weight loss

Oh good.... I'm right on track....

dust yourself off


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

shakeology

Saw this picture and thought DANG. Can you believe all these ingredients in just a single serving of Shakeology? No wonder it is so beneficial and helps so many parts of the body!

helping

AMEN. I have been criticized at times for my openness or honesty about trials in our life, saying that I was seeking attention or something else. THIS is why I believe in being honest about your life. This is the blessing I have experienced, and for which I am so grateful.  

http://www.mynameisjacy.com/2013/10/how-can-you-help-others.html

Monday, October 28, 2013

dangit

Well it turns out that asthma attack in the water was no joke.  The dr says I am pretty much not moving any air. Looks like it's a steroid injection, steroid pills, antibiotics, and rest for the next few days. I didn't know before that wheezing is actually a good thing when you have asthma because it means you are moving air. I almost didn't go in because I wasn't wheezy.  
This was my lunch.... Because washing dishes to have a clean cup for my Shakeology sounded like way more work than I can muster...because eating is a lot of work....because I was out picking up my steroid meds anyway....because apparently lack of oxygen will do all that to you. Everything is a chore right now, even thinking. I'm grateful I have a book to curl up with, a husband who I know will be happy to take care of me, and that the dr was able to squeeze me in so hopefully my lungs can recover a little faster.


Saturday, October 26, 2013

I did it!!!

I did it!!! Completing IronGirl has been a huge dream accomplishment for me for many years.  I'm so excited to be able to say I did it.  Was it perfect?  No.  I had an asthma attack in the (very cold) water that I never fully recovered from and then I later crashed on my bike at the dismount.  Was it awesome to finish?  Yes.  I loved having my friend and neighbor there to do it with me also.  It's so much more fun having someone to beat yourself up with. ;)

Here are some of my thoughts on the race:
I do not like open water swimming so much- I felt like I was going nowhere & swallowed a lot of nasty water. It is one extremely hilly course- which makes me feel a bit better about my not-so-great time. Triathamom feels like a baby course compared to this. You should really slow down a lot more than I did before jumping off your bike. I don't have to have music to work hard. That felt like an accomplishment in itself. You should not accidentally drop a safety pin in your sock. Good thing that didn't pop open! Even if you think your bike is fine, you should get it checked out when there is free tuning available, otherwise your gears that work best on the uphills might have gotten knocked out of whack on your drive. It is a pretty amazing thing to see the variety of women who will do this. Don't put limitations on yourself! The stories, the body types, the ages... They will inspire you. A .3 mile uphill to transition from swim is not very nice. For that matter, starting out uphill for bike and run isn't very pleasant either. My husband insists there are equal downhills for uphills but it certainly didn't feel that way. Sunrise glare makes it hard to see buoys. I should really stop not doing much of any training the month prior to the month of a major race. My time would probably be much better then. It also would have been helpful to do some bricks before....and to run more than 1.5 miles. Inhalers are good. Asthma attacks are not. Thank goodness for gels. Shakeology makes a pretty good pre-race breakfast. The Henderson PD were awesome for the support and it was great to feel safe on the bike & not have to stop. It is good to do hard things, things that scare you, and to check off your bucket list items. I pretty much rock. That's how finishing made me feel. You should do IronGirl, or some other triathlon for that reason alone. I did it. I felt good most of the time. I felt great finishing. Until next year!




I still don't like open water.

Friday, October 25, 2013

it's time

This lake and I have a date at sunrise.  IronGirl is in the morning.  My stomach is flipping out.  I'm supposed to go past that bridge there?!

I'm wearing this for inspiration:

Thursday, October 24, 2013

get the facts

“Individuals in Committed Relationships Who Discover that their partner is engaged in compulsive pornography use or other sexually addictive behaviors can manifest symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.” 

(Barbara A. Steffens and Robyn L. Rennie, “The Traumatic Nature of Disclosurefor Wives of Sexual Addicts,” Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity 13, nos. 2 and 3 (2006) 247-67, as quoted in A, 83)


Yup.
Thanks to Fight The New Drug for sharing.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

no different than you

I get a lot of people who tell me they can't be like me, they can't put a lot of effort into losing weight, or they can't work out. They tell me I'm hard-core or something. Do you know how bizarre this is to me? I may be training for IronGirl this weekend, but that's because I made a point to do something that scares me each year and this year that's what it is. I don't workout more than 30 minutes on the average. I'm not asking you to be crazy (unless, of course, you want to push for those crazy great results). Just MOVE. Take a step forward. I have to constantly remind myself of this. My body fights me. My brain fights me and tells me to just do a cleanse or other rapid loss diet. But I know from experience those don't last, often cause residual problems like inflammation that make it harder to lose the next time, and they don't give you the lasting inner change that needs to happen as well.

ALSO:  3 months. THREE FRICKIN MONTHS. That's how long I hovered in my plateau. Goodbye and good riddance. I KNOW I would not have stuck to trying, or to trying in a HEALTHY way, were it not for having an accountability group and an awesomely supportive husband. It isn't about the scale, but sometimes it kinda is at least in your head.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

another's story of healing

This is a family I know and love.  I babysat this kid when he was little.  His mom was in my mom's book club (now the book club I go to) and they are family of one of our oldest and dearest friends as well.  Interestingly enough, I also know one of his attackers as he was in my ward previously and his mother was also a friend of my mom's.  I'm so proud of this kid.  Really.
http://m.reviewjournal.com/life/victim-2003-attack-finding-way-heal


And, in other news, I recently purchased a tri suit, tendon wrap, and gels.  Feeling like a rather legit triathlete.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

now is the time

Here's the thing (and I realize I totally did this last month by letting the broken oven and crazy schedule get to me), life is happening now. Do you want something out of it? You better do something to move you toward that today. You can say you need to wait until things are less hectic before taking charge of your health. Do you have an absolute guarantee that things will be less hectic next month and you will have no other excuse waiting in the wings? So you might not be able to do things perfectly right now? Does that mean you should do nothing? There are no guarantees. All you've got is NOW. What are you going to do with it?

reporting in

A week back with an accountability group, back in the game, and down 4.25" as well as the 1.6lbs gained over the 3wks of not before. That's what doing things the healthy way will do. So thankful for muscle memory. Remind me of this the next time I am tempted by a quick-loss solution or complain of slow loss.

fear of failure


Fear of failure.  Fear of success.  It's all pretty much the same.  Just plain ol' fear.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

yikes

I have come to a difficult realization today. I am still scared of my own success. I thought I had overcome this as I realize it is a silly thing, and that we probably fear our own success because we think it somehow invalidates our 'other' selves. Nonetheless, I have caught myself today trying to sabotage my own success at the same time as envisioning it. Clearly, that's not gonna fly.

hope

This is seriously so good. We are focusing on hope in my challenge group this week and then I happened to read this article, written by a psychologist, this morning. I am certainly going to implement some of this in the group. So many fabulous tidbits in this.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/09/the-healing-balm-of-hope?lang=eng

Monday, October 14, 2013

yummy after school snack

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Squares

1/3 c nonfat plain Greek yogurt
1c brown sugar (maybe sub maple syrup next time??)

1/2c unsweetened applesauce
2 eggs 
2 Tbsp original plain almond milk
1/2 tsp salt
3 c old fashioned oats
1 3/4 c whole wheat flour 
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 c dark chocolate chips
1/2 c unsweetened coconut

Combine first ingredients through salt together on medium for 2-3min or until sugar dissolves. In separate bowl, mix together remaining dry ingredients until just combined. Add to liquid mixture & mix. Bake in 9x13 at 350 for 15-20min.

my year

IronGirl is NEXT weekend. Jan 1st is 78 days away. What things did you commit to completing or focusing on this year? What limits of yours are you going to push before the year is through? What hard or scary thing will you be able to say you did? I hadn't even been involved with Beachbody yet and I said at the beginning of the year that the word 'nourish' was going to be my focus for the year. I may not have dropped a ton of pounds, yet, but I have nourished myself and I can go into the end of the year knowing that I am on the right track, moving forward, and making progress. What about you?
I think I want to do another complete BB program by the end of the year just to say that I have. There is time for Les Mills Combat or Focus T25. What do you think? Do you want to do one of those quick programs with me?

Sunday, October 13, 2013

love love love this

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/09/rescued-by-the-gospel?lang=eng

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Sexual Abuse signs and symptoms

I was looking for some information I wanted to share with someone when I came upon this.  I am grateful that someone took the time to type up this information from our SOLE handbook.  I wanted to save it here so I didn't lose it and so others might be informed if they needed this information.

Sexual Abuse- Adult 
I. Most victims of sexual abuse suffer as children or youth tend to react in one or more of the following ways:

Feel guilty and almost totally responsible for having been a victim.
Feel isolated from their family and peers.
Have held it inside and told no one or only a very few people.
Have become confused about their identity and goals in life.
Have been depressed for a long time and don't understand why.
Are plagued by many fears, especially about men.
May have turned to intellectual, religious, or other pursuits to escape or cope with life.
May have been promiscuous at some time in their life.
May have thought extensively about suicide or may even have attempted it.
Have not been able to separate their responsibility from the perpetrator's responsibility.
May have run away from home, gotten married early, or have been involved in drugs, etc. feeling this is to be their "only way out".
Crave love and affection from a father figure.
Have become bitter, angry, and resentful towards Church leaders, other male authority figures, even God- or may have gone in the opposite direction.
May have developed multiple health problems.
Have become a frustrated, unhappy, depressed housewife with sexual problems in marriage.
Have become a vulnerable target for someone else to abuse, such as a spouse, or other males.
Developed a hysterical approach to life and situations.

II. Most Adult Victims Feel:

Confused about identity, angry at self and others, guilty about everything they have ever done, thought or had done to them.
They can't separate what's been done to them and what they've done.
Afraid of men, doesn't trust other woman.
Frustrated and confused about life and goals.
Depressed but doesn't know exactly why.
Doesn't trust own judgement.
The world would be better off without me.
Hurts all the time- exhausted.
Can't keep up with everyone else.
Everyone is looking at me and can see right through me.

III. Most Adult Victims:

Can't make decisions.
Allow others to abuse them further.
Always take the blame, accept guilt.
Try to be "Patty Perfect".
Have sexual problems in marriage- frigid, disinterested, or over interested in sex.
Seeks affection inappropriately.
Have many health problems.
Afraid to let men in close.
Cranky, angry, abusive, afraid.
Repulsed by sexual activity.
Very active in Church.
Very compassionate with other people.
Service does not build self-esteem.
Can't accept compliments.
Able to sacrifice anything for kids or husband- yet won't take time for self.
Husband may be non-supportive or self-centered.

IV. Symptoms:

Many of the symptoms are similar to adolescence.
Usually behave in a dependent helpless manner when it comes to solving every day problems.
Feels victimized by normal life happenings.
Sees the world as fear-filled.
Has many exaggerated fears.
Anger and fear towards men.
Many can't remember the good times of childhood- some even block out all childhood memories.
Anger towards mothers for not protecting them from abuse.

V. Indicators of Sexual Abuse as Adult Women for Priesthood Leaders:

Overwhelmed continuously by family responsibilities- stress overload.
Depression (deep and/or excessive).
Guilt (for everything).
Doesn't feel loved.
Feels scriptures apply not to self but to others (those pertaining to forgiveness and love).
Feels scriptures (negative) apply to self (those pertaining to repentance, Heavenly Father's disappointment, etc.).
Shame.
Difficulty in communication.
Constant need for approval.
Any rejection can be devastating.
Chronic physical ailments.
Very Emotional.
Lack of self-esteem.

why I coach


problems and solutions


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

inspirational transformation

Meet my friend, Jacqueline. I haven't known her terribly long but she has been an inspiration to me nonetheless. I've only known her as this crazy lady who runs and does all these marathons and races all the time. I was shocked when I learned she was JUST LIKE ME. She reminds me when I don't want to push myself, that I can and that I will one day be different. She inspires me to run more. She began her transformation by focusing on her diet. She'd done the whole yo-yo thing like many of us. She lost some weight and began running even when she couldn't run at all before. She used P90X to shed pounds, let lean, and be toned. This program has been fantastic for her. In fact, she loves it so much that she wants to do a massive P90Xgroup. Do you want to do it with us? All the P90X programs back to back?
With the help of Beachbody products like Shakeology and P90X, she has gone from being pre-diabetic with pcos to losing a lot of weight, eliminating her symptoms, and running races like a crazy woman! (she even just did the Dopey Challenge!)



fatigue

I absolutely LOVE this. I was thinking about this as I was biking uphill today. I once talked to my (avid athlete) friend about how hard upholds are on my breath and heart. She then pointed out that the uphills are actually when you are supposed to 'recover'- focusing more on staying steady and balanced. You have to pedal at a looser gear so you are making more rotations though not going very far at a time. This is VERY much a mental thing to me and I think of this every time I bike uphill, and how like life it is.

more


Thursday, October 3, 2013

grace

God’s grace is divine power to help us with all of our shortcomings and is available to us at all times.
Fantastic article on grace. It just might change your view of God even.

http://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/09/his-grace-is-sufficient?lang=eng

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

children and pornography

I would like to move to the UK because at least this is a legit discussion being had. This is a vitally important read. It doesn't address the brain chemistry changes that occur and the WHY of the increasing behavior...but it tells truth. I hope and pray that these children are being taught by someone that they CAN be made whole again. Those images CAN be taken from their mind and compulsive behaviors or thought patterns removed. You can be healed. I am so grateful to have that knowledge and experience- for myself and my family.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2135203/Jamie-13-kissed-girl-But-hes-Sex-Offender-Register-online-porn-warped-mind-.html

Here is another really great article:

http://motherhoodmatters.blogs.deseretnews.com/2013/10/01/how-to-teach-children-about-gasp-pornography/