Quick lil recap

I know that I haven't posted in far too long.  Suffice to say, it has been an up and down few months....pretty standard for life I think.  I did relapse for a bit I think but I was able to find support again and all is well.  Satan tried to get into my head and make me feel helpless, but I knew that wasn't true.  I know I'm not broken.  I know I'm not beyond help.  I know he just wants me to think that way.  My coach basically stopped coaching and my challenge group had ended and I felt like I was trying to coach some others while I was in desperate need of saving myself.  You can't help others and save others until you've helped yourself.

All is well now.

In fact, I'm pretty darn excited for 2014.

I'm starting up P90X3 and I'm beyond stoked to do this (30 minute) program and to complete it.  I have missed the structure of a program laid out for me.  I could have done better and stuck to another actual schedule after finishing ChaLean, but I used my triathlon training as an excuse.  (Oh yah.... I need to post about THAT.... I finished IronGirl!!!!!!!!!!).  In any case, it's going to be awesome and I'm ready to bring it.


I did the following post on FB tonight and felt it would be nice to just have the little recap here as well:
I wrote this in Feb: "Maybe these lousy results will help me be more focused and motivated with the prospect of being in a swimsuit at the end of this next month. It's either that or I feel it's pointless and doing no good and I should accept this really is the 'new me' from now on (these are the mind battles I have with myself). It occurs to me that this is how an addict feels- that their efforts are pointless, that they are defective human beings, that they can have a little bit of leeway and it won't make a big difference but they get upset when it adds up and does."

Then this at the end of April: "Today was the first day of the new challenge group I committed to participating in. It will be really great to have the accountability of a group to report to each and every day. I can't tell you how positive I feel about this...about it being 'right' for me...about having all the tools I need to have this be 'it' and the last time. "

I posted this in May: http://just4thehealthofit.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-whys-and-hows.html

Wrote this in June: "There is a mental power to feeling physically strong... especially when you feel like people look at you and see someone who is weak. Do you do that when you see someone who is overweight? You don't know what's really in there. "

I wrote this to myself in August: "These things do not define you, and yet they are you. Being a new and better person doesn't mean that you were a bad person before. It doesn't invalidate or lessen the worth of your self at any given stage in your life. You are simply at a different point in your life now. You are here because of what you've been through but you might have been here even without them. You might not be here without them. You could be in a different place, a much worse place, because of all this. You needn't feel bad. You are strong. You are a survivor. You have hurt and you have tried to take care of yourself and you have tried to protect yourself...all the best you could and the best you knew how with what you had at the time. You really did try your best with what you had and what you understood and where you were in your life."

and this: "I feel so empowered when I think of this. I think how just such a short time ago I was acting upon just a glimpse of a desire. I wasn't sure that this Beachbody thing would work but I had a small enough desire to give it a change. I was afraid of admitting to and facing an eating disorder, but I had just a glimmer of a hope that the change I saw in my husband could happen with me.

I haven't lost a ton of weight and yet I am finally able to envision that other me. The fit and healthy and unstoppable me. I see her again. I couldn't find her for a long time. I don't feel that it's like I'm some suddenly different person. I see it more as having been in a place of light for so long that my eyes had adjusted and I didn't see just how much brighter it could be.....I didn't realize not all the lights were on, until they were on. It's tasting that delicious fruit of the tree of life and wanting to share it with others because you didn't realize how much you were missing out on."

and I haven't really written on my blog since.... BUT I feel EXACTLY THAT WAY there at the end still. THAT's how I know this works and is going to keep on working. THAT'S why I am doing what I am doing.

You know what's funny? At a friend's suggestion, I started trying to come up with a single word to be my focus for the year. This year the word I chose was NOURISH. Man, I had no idea where that would take me. So awesome!

I did it!!!

I did it!!! Completing IronGirl has been a huge dream accomplishment for me for many years.  I'm so excited to be able to say I did it.  Was it perfect?  No.  I had an asthma attack in the (very cold) water that I never fully recovered from and then I later crashed on my bike at the dismount.  Was it awesome to finish?  Yes.  I loved having my friend and neighbor there to do it with me also.  It's so much more fun having someone to beat yourself up with. ;)

Here are some of my thoughts on the race:
I do not like open water swimming so much- I felt like I was going nowhere & swallowed a lot of nasty water. It is one extremely hilly course- which makes me feel a bit better about my not-so-great time. Triathamom feels like a baby course compared to this. You should really slow down a lot more than I did before jumping off your bike. I don't have to have music to work hard. That felt like an accomplishment in itself. You should not accidentally drop a safety pin in your sock. Good thing that didn't pop open! Even if you think your bike is fine, you should get it checked out when there is free tuning available, otherwise your gears that work best on the uphills might have gotten knocked out of whack on your drive. It is a pretty amazing thing to see the variety of women who will do this. Don't put limitations on yourself! The stories, the body types, the ages... They will inspire you. A .3 mile uphill to transition from swim is not very nice. For that matter, starting out uphill for bike and run isn't very pleasant either. My husband insists there are equal downhills for uphills but it certainly didn't feel that way. Sunrise glare makes it hard to see buoys. I should really stop not doing much of any training the month prior to the month of a major race. My time would probably be much better then. It also would have been helpful to do some bricks before....and to run more than 1.5 miles. Inhalers are good. Asthma attacks are not. Thank goodness for gels. Shakeology makes a pretty good pre-race breakfast. The Henderson PD were awesome for the support and it was great to feel safe on the bike & not have to stop. It is good to do hard things, things that scare you, and to check off your bucket list items. I pretty much rock. That's how finishing made me feel. You should do IronGirl, or some other triathlon for that reason alone. I did it. I felt good most of the time. I felt great finishing. Until next year!

I still don't like open water.

90 Day Results

I finished ChaLean Extreme and I won the challenge group I had been participating in that just ended (I'm in another one now and doing Les Mills Combat).

My results?  Not a lot of weight lost.  A lot of inches shed.  17+ in fact.  Dropped about 5% body fat as well.

More than that?  The confidence that comes from sticking to something through the end.  The ability to see a new me in the future again.  A belief in self.  No more inflammation.  Improved allergies and reflux.  Glowing skin.  Stronger hair and nails.  I think I might be able to beat someone at arm wrestling.  A great group of wonderful, supportive women who don't judge me because they realize we are all on the same journey in one way or another.  Better habits.  WAY fewer cravings that have made it easier to make good choices and conquer an addiction because my agency is being restored and I have the support I need- emotionally and physically.  A sense of purpose and a feeling of gratitude for a way that this weakness and challenge in my life can be turned for the better.  Joy from helping others make changes as well and motivation from them as they become my supporters too.

summa-summa-summa-summatime

Dang, I feel like it's been forever since I blogged.  Having the kids home from school just plain throws all schedules crazy.  Prior to that, I had a cah-ray-zay week preparing for my great-grandma's 100th birthday party.  I had some stuff thrown on me last minute that required a whole lot more time than I think anyone even still realizes and I still needed to attempt to keep my house in order for company coming.  That was a sort of up and down week as I did catch myself falling into old behaviors of hyperfocusing and not eating.  However, I am proud to report that I caught on to that and forced myself to eat regularly and to devote time to self-care and exercise before it got too out of hand.  I was a bit disappointed in how far it went but I reminded myself that this is a journey and I am still progressing toward perfection, toward making my stumbling blocks my strengths.  Having my accountability group most definitely kept me from falling down into that spiral of starving/binging or stress eating because I had somewhere I needed to report to each night and real people to whom I was committed to being accountable to.

So that was a couple of weeks ago.  I took a day at the beginning of last week to recover from it all and then I set to having summer with my children.  I found myself actively engaging in their lives and being present in the moments.  In summers past we would have an outing once a week and that would generally be my limit for all the effort it took or because I just didn't want to be in public.  I don't know if it is that they are older or if it is the change in me, or if it was just a fluke week.... But we literally went somewhere every single day and it was my idea. We had a grand time visiting the park, the library, a warehouse sale, going out to lunch, spending the afternoon at the waterpark, going to the farmer's market, shopping and more.  Every night was one of those nights where I felt 'done' but in a glorious way.  I had decided I was going to really give my efforts an extra push in my workouts and my eating.  I did it and it felt good to stick to that.  I'm sure eating all that healthy food helped my energy and moods also.  Still, I felt like I was different.

I do need to report something big.  Remember when I said I would make it up that hill on my bike by the end of the summer?  I did it!  On Saturday.  DH had said a few weeks earlier "I don't see why you can't get up it now. I bet you could if you really tried."  It was enough to get me thinking.  I didn't make it up the hills on the triathlon in one fell swoop.  Most of the ladies' took a breather here and there.  So who was to say I couldn't get to the top if I just took some time along the way to catch my breath?  So that's precisely what I did.  I'll have to blog about that separately just because it was it's own accomplishment and boy did I have Satan putting those thoughts in my head.  Nevertheless, I made it!

So, guess what that means?  It means I took the plunge and I registered for IronGirl. Oh man, I got such crazy jitters and nerves for it that I had to distract myself right away.  I'm scared and nervous and excited all at once.  The best part though was when I told DH what I had done.  His face lit up just the way that it did watching our children take their first steps.  I wish I'd had a camera ready to capture that look because I'm convinced it will get me through any difficulty in training or in completing the race come race day.  I can do hard things....but it is the support of others, including my Heavenly Father, that gives me that ability.  There was another reason to me signing up for IronGirl on Monday.  It was the day after Father's Day.  For me, that means it was the anniversary of D-Day (discovery of my husband's addiction & when I asked him to leave) in our household.  I've had a lot of projects lately that have required going back through old photos or our 'history' and I've realized how much of my personal spiral of weight and whatnot really was tied to that D-Day and the time since.  It has been 3 years since that day.  So much has happened in that time.  I felt like I wanted to mark the day differently and mark it as my own rebirth somehow now, because it was what I needed.  I thought about how I feel jealous of the commitment of new moms to immediately get their pre-baby bodies back.  How 'if only' I'd done this sooner I wouldn't have been like this for so long.  How I've had it in me all along.  And yet, I know that I needed that time to get to this point.  Some people have big a-ha moments that solidify their testimonies.  For me, I have always received revelation and had my testimony built up line upon line and through small confirming signs that just sort of all add up for me.  I've always been that way.  When I prayed about whether marrying DH was the right thing for me to do, I didn't get some 'yes' answer.... I got several smaller answers that added up to a confirmed 'yes'.  It must be how I learn.  That is why I have to be easy on myself for allowing myself to be fat so long, for allowing myself to listen to others' voices instead of my own, for letting the negativity in, for feeling defeatist.  I can see now that I needed to take that journey deep into the dark abyss to get to the heart of it all, to be broken to the core, to feel myself being rebuilt to be stronger, only to then have the imperfect parts chipped away.  I know that it is a slow process and how quickly the last 3 years have passed when it seemed they never would helps me be more patient with myself.  It feels merciful.  I started multiple times in the last 3 years to lose the weight or to change my habits or to make myself better.  I am better in many ways.  However, the major change in my addictive behaviors requires a lot more effort and attention than I would have had the energy for in that time. I needed the life experiences to teach me things and show me my own strength and character along the way.  

Of course after making a major commitment and feeling like I'd reached a new and positive step in my journey, I would have to face a setback.  That's the way it goes right?  No sooner had I taken the photos below than I suddenly found myself stuck on my living room floor.  Turns out I pulled a muscle in my back, maybe two.  So this week has been far different from last.  My sweet children have been wonderful and largely cared for themselves.  My older children have been taking care of giving the youngest his breathing treatments since he has been sick.  They've brought me food in bed, get well cards, and not destroyed the house while I slept away the days.  Even just half a muscle relaxer completely knocks me out.  I finally got to do a little workout again today.  I wasn't sure if it would be okay or not but I could feel that pull.... that 'ease' of lying around....that little wagging finger of the dark side saying 'it's ok...just come hang out here for a while'.  So far, I'm still mobile (wasn't there for awhile).  It can be so depressing to have your body take such a far step backward but I'm confident that as the injury heals I will be able to give it my all again and the strength will quickly return.  That's how life is isn't it?

I'm pretty sure I was going to write more or I was going to go back and reread this to make sure it all flowed correctly.  At this point I'm just going to post it and be done with it.  I keep getting interrupted and I have children calling my name to make dinner.  So I suppose if it sounds a little strange I can just blame it on that, or on the pain pills that may still be in my system.  ;)  Hope you are all doing fabulously!  

scratch that

There's a reason you should generally weigh at consistently the same time and on the same day of the week.  Your body just fluctuates so much.  Monday is my normal day for that so I decided to go ahead just in case it was better than yesterday.  It was.  I did gain .4 lbs this week but that's not bad, especially since I lost 5.25" this week.  Seriously.  Can you believe it?  That's actually my biggest loss of inches in a single week yet.
So overall I'm at having gotten rid of 4.2 pounds and 13.25 inches since starting the challenge group on April 29th.  That I can live with.

I did my first day of the Push Circuit for ChaLean Extreme today.  LOVED it!  I nearly cried a couple of times and I said a lot of bad words in my head.  I think I yelled a couple of times too.  But taking those stats and pictures that made me cry yesterday lit a fire under me and I was determined to really push myself during this Push phase of the program.  So I did.  My muscles were tired and felt shaky afterward but I felt amazing.  Seriously.  Like a total high.  Better than any food is going to get me.  Also, I felt incredibly strong because I was lifting weights as heavy as Chalene Johnson or her sister Jenelle Summers- fitness professionals.  Maybe they don't really lift that.  Maybe they do it in the video to make you feel better.  If that's the case it worked. ;)  I did a strength training class in college and today I was doing bicep curls at the same weight I recall doing them back then.  I should find that paper I had where I recorded all that.  There is a mental power to feeling physically strong... especially when you feel like people look at you and see someone who is weak.  Do you do that when you see someone who is overweight?  You don't know what's really in there.



Also, just an FYI-  Beachbody is having a killer sale this week only.  I'm thinking I might just load up on a few things.  I know some people who really love TurboFire and the Energy & Endurance that are half off.

And a final note.... I remembered that summer is upon us.  How could I forget right? Well, I remembered that summer is typically a very difficult time in our household.  My husband's line of work means that summer is pretty stressful and that tends to spill over at home.  He was better about it last year.  We did, however, receive some news that means this year will be particularly stressful at work.  It is a trigger for him and it is a trigger for me.  Sometimes we feel like we need to celebrate come September just having survived a summer together.  Sometimes I feel like moving away for just the summer.  It is also when the big bam 'D-Day' occurred 3 years ago.  3 years? Really?  Has it been that long?  I'll have to double-check that, but, yes, I do believe so.  Even still.  It got me to thinking that I am glad that I know I have a support network and some plans in place that will help me get through the summer.  I'm glad that I have a place to stay accountable when I am tempted by stress eating.  I am glad that I honestly don't even feel those cravings as bad anymore and that I can tell there is a deeper, more lasting, change going on within me.  I don't have to dread this summer.  I have something to look forward to.

on mothers day

I haven't felt much like writing these last few days, which means I've probably needed to more than ever.  I'm not perfect.  Not even close.  They've been up and down kind of days for the most part.  Today is Mother's Day and on the whole it has been a good day.  It is also my youngest's 5th birthday.  How the time has flown.  It has been good to have the day be about him as well because it takes my mind off missing my own mother or my own needs of feeling particularly valued and special.  People, do you know how much women need written words of praise and compliment to refer to?  Do men need the same thing?  I don't know.  But I don't know a woman who doesn't battle with comparing herself to others, measuring herself up- even against herself and her own ideals, issues of self-image and those put out by the media.  We need something to refer to when we are feeling bogged down.

Anyway, so it has been a good day.  I have to say that I have eaten very mindlessly because I told myself I just wasn't going to worry about today.  Know what?  I don't feel good.  It isn't a guilt thing at all.  It is that I don't make good food choices when I eat mindlessly and my body and brain suffer as a result.  I am sluggish and tired and just feel kind of 'bleh' even though it's been a good day.  So I find myself looking forward to tomorrow and starting a new week fresh, and eating lots of fresh and healthy foods.  I am kind of dreading weighing in in the morning after the day I've had, but what's done is done.

I had an incident on Friday that I want to record.  I was very angry with my husband and struggling with a lot of triggering feelings.  He did something that was reminiscent of some of his 'telltale' behaviors and that coupled with the general triggering of this weekend (due to some past Mother's Day experiences as well as the fact that just plain missing my mom is a trigger), I was feeling myself spiral.  I am happy to say that I did not binge, and in fact I ate all good foods....though it was hard.  I did find that I went a lot of the day without eating at all, which is also not a healthy reaction.  I was okay in the end though.  It was supposed to be my exercise 'rest day' so I had not worked out.  I think that made a difference as well.  By the end of the day I was just struggling so much that I decided I needed to simply get out and go for a ride.  I initially wanted to tackle 'the hill' because I felt angry enough that I determined I would make it to the top and that was certain to make me feel better.  However, the sun was setting and it turns out the road isn't exactly lit.  I determined that no matter how upset I was I still wanted to see my own children for Mother's Day, so I felt it best to play it safe.  First of all, just putting on my workout clothes made me feel empowered.  I was amazed at how differently I felt just making that step.  I don't know if it was how the clothes felt on me or if it was the fact that I was taking a step to regain control of a situation I felt I had none.  So I went for a bike ride, in the windy night, and rode until my head cleared.  I went a route I'd never taken before and I rode overpasses that have always made me nervous....not just for the size of their hills but also for the fact that I have a thing about bridges.  There is this thing about biking uphill that just feels so much like life.  You have to keep moving at even the slowest but most steady pace or you will lose your balance and stop.  You might feel like you are going so slow and making even no progress, but if you set your sight on a goal even just the slightest bit ahead you will see that you make it.  You do it little by slow little.  The long hills that you don't even recognize as being hills are the worst that way.  The bigger, but shorter, hill was much easier.  I was surprised at how very quickly I was able to power up it.  In the end I biked for about 11 miles and it really did feel good.  I was glad to have made a healthy, empowering, choice rather than a bad one.

My mom and I at our last Christmas together.  She passed away suddenly 7 months later.  Guess I do look kinda like her. :)

Happy Mothers Day to all you women out there.  I know from my time attending support groups that it can be a pretty difficult day for women whose spouses are addicts.  They are in relationships where their spouse has become desensitized to their intimate needs.  I mean on a very emotional level.  They do not feel loved and cared for in a deep way.  If they know of a husband's problem with pornography then today can serve as a reminder of his disrespect of women, and of their sacred and special relationship.  That can be very hard.  They do not feel they are the most important woman in their world.  Even if their children adore them and shower them with love, it is inadequate if it does not also come from the person to whom they choose to commit to living their life with.  For those who are no longer in the relationship, today can serve as a hard reminder of not having someone there to make the day special.  I want you to know I think of you today too.  You may be a mother but, particularly if you are a mother to younger children, you may not have someone there to lead in making the day any different than the rest and making you feel important.  You are important.  Women who are struggling to repair broken relationships and trust need extra love and attention on this day.  It needs to be a bigger deal than it might under normal circumstances.  It becomes an opportunity for the other person to show some forethought, to show that they think about them in times other than the last minute when the pressure is on, to show them that they matter and that they are important and that they are grateful to have them still in their life.  I don't mean to put undue pressure on a holiday.  I just say this because it has been not just my personal experience, but what I heard repeatedly from other women independently in recovery group settings.  We are often (or I hope we are) aware of the women who have a hard time with Mother's Day: those who are unwed, who struggle with infertility, who have lost their own mother's.  There is another, often very silent, group who struggles as well and I want you to know that I know you and I understand and it will get better.

the power of group.

I'm not attending a recovery group right now, but I have.  I believe firmly in their power.  It isn't just about accountability or about like-minded people.  There is real power in having validation from others of your feelings.  Validation from people who are at all kinds of stages in their journey.  Maybe it's just my degree in Sociology, but I found it extremely fascinating how often I would hear the same stories, or versions of them, repeated.  We think we are so alone in our journey but we don't realize until we are in the safe place a group provides that someone else has been through something awfully similar as well.  We think the things we are most embarrassed to share or most ashamed of are unique to us....but, guess what, they're not.  It's true that no one person will have the exact same experience of another because we all bring something different to the table and we all have a different backstory....but when you're feeling a little bit crazy it sure is nice to know you aren't.  Also, I feel like so often the Lord works through other people.  I cannot tell you the incredible number of times I was struggling with something in particular that I had not yet shared with anyone but in my prayers and then someone would share something that was exactly what I needed to hear.  Just as journaling helps clear the mind so does talking it out...or helping someone else talk theirs out.

Here in Las Vegas there is an ARP group for unhealthy eating patterns (you can find the schedule as well as any other ARP/PASG meeting time & location here).  I went for a while and found it very useful.  It was never about peer pressure to be one way or another, as I worried it would be.  It was all about having a place to vocalize yourself and receive validation in return.  There is a reason that you are told to pray vocally.  Trust me, I have a very hard time with that.  I can't explain it but it does something different, and it makes a difference, to make it vocal.  It is hard.  At the time I was also facilitating the PASG group too.  Eventually I got a new calling in my ward and my schedule also with my kids just did not allow for me to attend either meeting anymore.  I had to very carefully evaluate whether that was me making an excuse for myself in an attempt to avoid recovery.  In the end, I decided that it was not.  It was about me having a balance in my life and being able to have a 'downtime' night at home.  Balance is critical to being healthy.

I guess I'm just saying that I'm glad to have found a group that I can participate in even with my busy schedule right now.  I can't believe I let myself go so long without one thinking I could just change myself. While I did still continue to grow and improve over the last year, it was with vast more difficulty and I feel like it was easier to let Satan in my head without one.  What's that scripture? "It is not good for man to be alone." ?(pretty sure that applies to women as well) It is good to have a 'safe place', to have validation, to have accountability, to have support and encouragement.  I'm in a good place and I'm glad to be.  I know I won't always be.  I'm glad to know it's okay that I'm not perfect, and that people who look like they are actually aren't either.  I'm glad to be trying and acknowledging that I will mess up from time to time at the start.  That is empowering.  Perfectionism is paralyzing.  Trust me, I know.  Far too often I have put off starting something (weight loss, cleaning, projects, a conversation, etc) because I let a fear of falling short get in the way.  That's not what it's about.  It's about a journey forward.  It's about one small step for mankind.... oh wait, that was something else.  But it is about being okay with the progress and the setbacks because you see the bigger picture and know you are still facing the right direction.

I killed it in my workout this morning.  So much so that I puked afterward.  That's a first for me.  I ran out of my acid reflux medicine a few days ago and I've got it bad.  I could tell the weight lifting was aggravating it but I was determined not to let that get in the way again, as it has for me before.  So I puked and then I laid on the floor in front of the fan, and then I was fine.  And now, now that it's evening, I can hardly even remember that I worked out at all.

biking.

I live right off Decatur in Las Vegas and it ends at the shooting range. At some point in time I got it in my head that I was going to bike to the very end of Decatur- the very top of the hill. No idea why. It taunts me whenever I see it. I gave it a go last year just to see where I could get. This guy (serious cyclist) passed me up and back like it was no big deal. Made me mad. :) I injured my hip the next day, possibly from overdoing it that day. Today was the first I gave that route a go again since then. I've put it off for fear of hurting my hip again and having to stop all exercise. 

So I rode with my kids to school today and while my son was at speech therapy I rode over to try. I ran out of time (and I wouldn't have gone much further anyway) but I did make it somewhat further than last time. To the entrance and through the roundabout before heading back. If you look real close you can see the end of the road and the furthest red building. I'm going to get up there by the end of summer. Mark my words. It was between 7 & 8 miles that I did today. I prefer to do 8 or more when I bike. But what you can't really see in the pic is there is a serious dip & thus extra hill in there that I stuck with. I have a love/hate relationship with biking hills. In order to protect your heart muscle (and my asthmatic lungs) you have to be in a looser gear and be pedaling more. It feels so much like you are pedaling so fast and not going anywhere because there are so many rotations to make movement. When I did my tri the bike went up to the Kennecott Copper mines in the SLC valley. I stopped frequently for little breaks and was amazed how quickly I could recover after even just 30 seconds. Going up that forever hill felt like such an analogy of life- slow and steady is the only way to make it and it so often seems you're making no progress at all until you stop to turn around and see how far you've really come and the mountain you've climbed.

rule.

I've set a new rule for myself that I put on my workout clothes & shoes first thing in the a.m. and am not allowed to change until I've worked out- regardless of what errands I have to run or appointments or who I'll see. So if you see me looking all awesome and grubby and like I don't ever care to get properly dressed...well now you know why. ;)  I got this idea from one of the other ladies in the challenge group I'm participating in.  I hate wearing tennis shoes so that's pretty good motivation for me.  My feet just feel so claustrophobic in socks. 

biking on the beach.

It has always been a bit of a dream of mine to ride my bike along the beach. It took a lot of work to make it happen, but DH could tell how much it meant to me to take our bikes to the beach. If we're going to be there a week we should have a bike right?

It was a gorgeous morning today and I got to go for a ride on my own while the rest of the family played at the beach. I would have gone further but I started feeling guilty knowing that DH was also excited to go boogie boarding but waiting for me to get back and watch the kids. I rode from the border of La Jolla & Pacific Beach down to Mission Beach- just under 7 miles. It was fabulous!

accountable.

Since it's the last Sat of the month I took all my measurements and sort of an 'accounting' of myself. I've had a harder time being focused and motivated this month. There was a week in particular that was bad.

Still, I am really bummed by my results, or lack thereof, this month. I guess I just expected to be somewhere else at this point and it's hard when you aren't. Especially with all the P90X I've been doing. I hate doing things the slow and patient way but I know I need to for my whole self to be best nourished. I hate that my body doesn't seem to allow me even the slightest amount of give. I console myself by reminding myself it is literally the worst day of the month a woman can do weights and measures. 

Maybe next week will be better. At least I'm healthy. Maybe these lousy results will help me be more focused and motivated with the prospect of being in a swimsuit at the end of this next month. It's either that or I feel it's pointless and doing no good and I should accept this really is the 'new me' from now on (these are the mind battles I have with myself). It occurs to me that this is how an addict feels- that their efforts are pointless, that they are defective human beings, that they can have a little bit of leeway and it won't make a big difference but they get upset when it adds up and does. ::sigh:: Anyway here goes Month 2: same weight, -.5% bf, -3.5 inches (all in thighs & hips) 2013 totals: -5lbs, -1.5%bf, -11.5 inches overall

 

yoga love.

I've been doing P90X. My favorite of the workouts might be the yoga one.  I love love love the way that yoga makes me feel. Always have and probably always will. ♥

uh oh.

Evidently my workouts are going too well. The key for the bike lock just broke off in the lock- with my bike still chained up at the school. :S

dedication.

I am seriously struggling in the exercise motivation/focus department this week. Alas, I am missing book club tonight because I haven't had time to get it in otherwise. Better be worth it because now I'm ornery. :P

woohoo

DH got me a sweet new bike for Christmas.  I was stunned.  SO excited!  I've wanted a hybrid bike for a long time now.  The mountain bike I've been riding is the same one I've ridden since middle school.  It was due for a replacement. ;) This new one is a baby blue Schwinn hybrid.  Took it out for a test spin tonight.  Sah-weet.

new kicks

I got new kicks today on a sweet sale at Big 5.  They're great new running shoes.  You'll see me from a mile away. :)

tough guys

The Ks like to show off their toughness.  They are boys through and through.  K2 especially loves pushups and has exceptionally good form with these.  Teach em young right?

p90

Those of you who've done P90X.... Do any of you have any opinions regarding resistance bands and/or the pull-up bar? I'm feeling very intimidated but reminding myself that I'm in much better shape than I appear and that I was intimidated by the triathlon I did before I did it... and now they seem no big thing to me. With the weather changing, schedules, and Y membership on hold for now, I need to do more indoors on a regular basis to ensure SOMETHING is done.

good morning.

I'm up early getting ready to go for a bike ride as the sun rises- my favorite time to.  I'm looking forward to a new week after having had a rough weekend with our car breaking down.

so tired.

I am having the hardest time waking up this morning.  I'm not sure why.  I went to bed at a decent time.  I did have some bizarre dreams so I wonder if that's it.

I went for a bike ride with a friend from the ward yesterday.  It was great.  I ended up going just over 8 miles.  Why is it that I forget so easily just how much I love bike rides and how great exercise makes me feel?  It was fantastic and I felt so good afterward.  I wanted to go again this morning but then I thought it best to rest for a day to be sure how my hip reacts.  So far so good though.