Saturday, February 23, 2013


Since it's the last Sat of the month I took all my measurements and sort of an 'accounting' of myself. I've had a harder time being focused and motivated this month. There was a week in particular that was bad.

Still, I am really bummed by my results, or lack thereof, this month. I guess I just expected to be somewhere else at this point and it's hard when you aren't. Especially with all the P90X I've been doing. I hate doing things the slow and patient way but I know I need to for my whole self to be best nourished. I hate that my body doesn't seem to allow me even the slightest amount of give. I console myself by reminding myself it is literally the worst day of the month a woman can do weights and measures. 

Maybe next week will be better. At least I'm healthy. Maybe these lousy results will help me be more focused and motivated with the prospect of being in a swimsuit at the end of this next month. It's either that or I feel it's pointless and doing no good and I should accept this really is the 'new me' from now on (these are the mind battles I have with myself). It occurs to me that this is how an addict feels- that their efforts are pointless, that they are defective human beings, that they can have a little bit of leeway and it won't make a big difference but they get upset when it adds up and does. ::sigh:: Anyway here goes Month 2: same weight, -.5% bf, -3.5 inches (all in thighs & hips) 2013 totals: -5lbs, -1.5%bf, -11.5 inches overall


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

yoga love.

I've been doing P90X. My favorite of the workouts might be the yoga one.  I love love love the way that yoga makes me feel. Always have and probably always will. ♥


I have to have bloodwork done every 6 months or so due to my thyroid medication. I thought the dr office only had you come in to go over lab results when something was wrong with them, but I also forget in 6 months' time. Turns out I was wrong. Picture perfect comprehensive labs for me. :) take that judgemental people :P

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


This is my word I am focusing on this year. It is about more than eating healthy foods. It is about also nourishing the mind and spirit. It is recognizing that my foul mood tonight is the result of not just less than ideal food choices during the day, but of not having taken time to fill my own cup for too long... It is admitting that it isn't others' responsibility to make sure those needs of mine are met and that feelings of inadequacy, under-appreciation, or going in circles are more often attempts at placing outward blame on our own self-neglect. It is feeling embarrassed and angry and frustrated at even having to admit that, and grateful to be able to recognize it, name it, and move forward from it all at the same time. It is allowing yourself to not be perfect and allowing others the same. It is stepping out of the hamster wheel without guilt. It is saying "this is what I need- from you- from myself" and going after it because you choose to nourish yourself. It is easy and it is hard. Some days it is far harder than others. Gratitude for 'eyes to see' makes it easier.

so true

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." - Carl G. Jung