Wednesday, April 24, 2013

from a distance.

It's been about 14 years since my mom passed away and I can still be blindsided. She has been even closer than usual to the surface of my heart lately as I've recently given a lesson on the Resurrection and eternal life and why that is important to me; I"ve been discussing losing her with someone else who just lost their mom- a friend of my mom's; Also, Mother's Day is coming up.

If that weren't enough, I was walking through DI (a local thrift store) tonight when I thought I'd hurry down one last aisle real quick. There it was. This silly little desktop calendar thing that had names typed on the front that jumped out at me... The women of my childhood. The RS of when my mom passed. I grabbed it and the next page I flipped to was the last in it. And there was my mom's name staring at me. It's weird how such a random and unexpected occurrence, especially the sight of her name, can catch your breath and leave you choked up. This must have been a compilation of favorite scriptures of the ladies? I never knew what my mom's favorite scripture was aside from her sweatshirt that read "Many are cold but few are frozen" which is, of course, not the real scripture. I had to laugh when I literally turned immediately to her entry. Of course it would be the next thing I would open to. Of course she would choose something like that. Probably just for the word 'sluggard'. She probably thought she was funny.  What was funny to me was that this could be an answer to a prayer.  I've been debating about the investment of joining a challenge group and assessing where my heart and head really are....whether I really am willing to put in all the long term hard work and effort to reclaim my body and whether I really believe that I can.  This was just what I needed.  I ordered my Shakeology and new ChaLean Extreme (because I love P90X but just felt like I needed to do something different right now) and signed up as a coach with Beachbody as soon as I got home.... because I feel that confident of the changes ahead.  I'm totally going to make a sign of this and put it up.  I will laugh every time I see the word sluggard and I will smile knowing that I've got my mom and my Heavenly Father showing me that they support me and believe in me.  (Also, I did call my dad to tell him what happened and he agreed that she liked this scripture because of the association with hard work and diligence but also because she thought she was funny because it was a funny word)  I talked with DH first about my new plan.  I told him I was worried about trying a new thing and him thinking I just was continually grasping at straws and not ever really committing.  His response was exactly the support I needed, "It's better than not trying at all."

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