Sunday, October 18, 2009

a week of rain.

As the saying goes: “When it rains it pours.”  Well, I guess we hit our overdue monsoon this week.  Here’s what it looked like:
Monday: All is well.  It’s beautiful out.  I started having some pains on Sunday and Monday they got a little more frequent but I still was able to brush them off and say ‘all is well.’
Tuesday: I can’t walk.  I call my OB and tell them I’m pretty sure my IUD (that I have had nearly a year now) is coming out and I am in a lot of pain.  Miraculously, they are able to get me in right away.  Thankfully my mother-in-law is able to watch the boys and my friend once again picks up P from school. 
At the OB I leave a sample for ‘just in case’ because the nurse doesn’t believe me that it could possibly be the IUD.  Even Dr. Volker is suspicious because that just doesn’t happen after having it that long.  It’s pretty rare anyway.  Nope, I was right.  In his words, “looks like your body is definitely trying to expel the IUD.”  So after a glare and some words about how you’re talking to the girl who got pregnant on birth control and now you’re telling me my body doesn’t like the IUD? the doctor reassures me that just because it happens once doesn’t mean it will happen again and that it would really only do it if there were a cause.  So he tells me we will give my body a month to heal and then run some tests to look for fibroids or polyps or whatever must be growing to push it out.  He sends me home with birth control but I decided there was only one safe way: abstinence.
That night my sister-in-law, who I love dearly, has her baby and all is well and we are happy.
Wednesday: I had previously scheduled an appointment with my regular physician for a check-up due to unexplained weight gain and low thyroid symptoms.  Also, my tailbone (which I dislocated giving birth to W) has really been bothering me lately and I’m hoping to finally get it fixed.  While I’m there I figure I might as well get the FluMist, because I thought getting the flu vaccine would be a good idea this year and I just wasn’t in the mood for a shot.  I got flu-like symptoms by the time I drove home and found myself feeling like crap and dealing with what I thought were after-effects of having the IUD removed.  I learn too that my sister-in-law named her baby Emma.  I love this name.  So much so that I had always planned to name a little girl of mine Emma Mae.  When P came along it just felt right to name her after my mom, not Emma.  When K2 came along I was positive he was my Emma.  Shock didn’t cut it when I learned he was a boy.  We said we were done having kids but didn’t do anything too permanent, obviously.  We always thought we might end up adopting down the road- thus ensuring having a girl and naming her Emma Mae.  So I found myself needing to deal with a finality I hadn’t quite dealt with yet.  Not that I fault my sister-in-law in the very least.  She could name her kid whatever she wanted, especially since we said we were done.  So I dealt with the acknowledgment and finality that I would never have my Emma Mae here on earth and that we probably really were done.  I spend a lot of the day in bed because I am, yet again, feeling crappy and tired and nauseous and just planning to shut out the world.
That morning W also had a visit to the dermatologist for a mole that had changed significantly.  I was happy to hear he thought it not likely to be anything.  He removed a portion of it though, to be safe.
Thursday:  I get up and feel better.  I’ve been up for a little while when I get sudden severe cramping and nausea.  When I go to the bathroom (sorry for the tmi!) I don’t want to acknowledge the thought that pops into my mind (and I’ll spare you the rest of the details here).  “That was my Emma Mae.  I can’t have her here on earth but now I know I have her in heaven.”  I put it out of my mind quickly, telling myself it’s crazy talk and that even if it isn’t then I’m just not going to deal with it.  But I do start to wonder just how much bleeding and cramping is normal when and IUD comes out.  I’m trying to look this up when the OB’s office calls.  “We need you to come in for bloodwork and an ultrasound right away.  It looks like the doctor suspects a pregnancy.”
The short of the story from there is that the ultrasound revealed no fibroids, no polyps, no anything.  What I had tried to ignore that morning was the last of my unexpected, 2 month pregnancy that must’ve grown and pushed the iud out.  The rest is just too personal, but if you think it- then I probably thought it.  I do still have to go in tommorow for follow-up bloodwork to rule out any other issues.  It does explain a lot of what I’d been feeling and experiencing over the last couple of months.
We also learned on Thursday that P’s best friend had been in the hospital since the previous afternoon with pneumonia.  We were able to go hang out for several hours to keep her happy and occupied.  I appreciated being able to hang out with my friend (who knew everything that was going on) and be able to put my mind on something else.  By that night I was exhausted though in so many ways.
Friday: I was still feeling lousy and exhausted in the morning so DH was thankfully able to stay home part of the morning and take care of some doctor’s appointments for the kids.  That afternoon I decided I’d had enough crying, moping, feeling lousy and it was time to move on and get out or I’d never feel better.  So I finally got ready for the day and decided that if DH hadn’t arranged a date then I’d go out with some girlfriends.  I’m doing okay and cleaning up the kitchen and getting ready to bake DH his favorite cookies as a way to make amends for all he’s had to do all week.  W and P are playing next door, K is eating a snack, and K2 has just gotten up from his nap.  He’s gone to go upstairs to play when I hear a tumble.  I go racing from the kitchen to catch him just before he hits the last step & hardwood floor (and I’m certain he would’ve broken his arm the way it was sticking out). 
Things, unfortunately, did not end so well for me.  I don’t remember precisely what happened aside from slipping the opposite direction and the sound of a hard smack.  I don’t remember actually catching K2, only that I know I did and must’ve set him down immediately.  Our bottom step comes out in a sort of trapezoid shape.  I recall smacking my face/jaw/neck area on that corner.  I know I smacked my head on the floor as well (and now I realize I must’ve smacked my right side on the step as well).  Next thing I know I’m face down and spitting out pieces of tooth and blood.  I know K2 must be fine because he’s walking around and not crying.  I try to get up but see stars and am just so dizzy.  Thank goodness I have my phone in my pocket and am able to call DH to tell him, between spits of blood, to hurry home & that I fell.  When the dizziness subsided enough, I got to the bathroom and called my neighbor to come get K and K2.  She got me on the couch with ice and put W in charge of making sure I didn’t fall asleep.  My neighbor kept the kids and fed them dinner until she had to go to a soccer game.  My friend brought me a smoothie because I hadn’t had any dinner yet and couldn’t open my mouth.  It wasn’t until the kids had gone to bed that I decided to go to the ER to be safe.  My friend took me until the neighbors got home and then one of them came and slept on our couch so DH could come hang out with me.
I learned that somewhere in the recent years I developed an anxiety for CT scans and MRIs.  They used to not phase me, I’ve had so many.  But I guess it’s just been since my mom’s death I’m paranoid that one is going to show something.  I was none too thrilled about needing a CT.  But all was well.  I was sent home with Ibuprofen 800 (I turned down the Lortab- that stuff’s just nasty) and a diagnosis of a neck sprain and concussion and the knowledge that I’d have to see a dentist on Monday for my mouth stuff.  They warn me that I’m going to feel worse in the coming days and feel like I’ve been in a car accident.
Saturday: I take my meds and ice my face/neck as told.  I’m so tired of being in bed by this point though that I decide I need to get out- concussion or not.  So I go to Red Apple Days with the family.  I take it easy though because it’s quickly apparent that I really do have a concussion as moving makes me nauseous.  Getting kinda tired of the nausea here.  I go to the funnest baby shower I’ve ever been to, and it’s nice to be out, but I can tell it’s quickly wearing on me.  My tongue is raw from my broken tooth (bottom front) scraping the bottom of it.  My brilliant friend Janet talks to her husband, who is an orthodontist, and he says he may be able to give me some relief and will see me in his office later.  I’m happy that between the two events I’ve found at least some food I can eat- chili and some chicken salad that had very finely shredded chicken in it.  See, I can’t use my front teeth at all, nor half my jaw because it won’t open or close all the way.
I was exhausted and slept like a baby for the next 3 or 4 hours until our babysitter got there for our date and visit to the orthodontist's office.  Our plan was to get my tooth fixed, eat soup at Marie Callenders, then go to the drive-ins so I could lay in the Luv-Sac to watch a movie.  The orthodontist was fantastic.  He rounded off my tooth so that it’ll quit scraping my tongue in the meantime.  He said I should probably wait a couple weeks before trying to get it fixed since the one next to it is hypersensitive right now (it hurts me all the time).  My jaw is definitely still swollen and tramautized- and probably will be for a week, maybe two.  It was quite apparent to him that I also chewed up my tongue and cheek as well.  The tooth that broke seems to have nerve damage- in fact, the nerve may be dead all together…which means a possible root canal in my future.  I laughed at him and told him he was talking to a girl who just barely had her first cavity.  He told me I needed to rest my jaw as much as possible, stick to a soft diet, and gave me a mouthguard to wear at night to keep me from clenching my teeth and further inflaming things.  I tried wearing it last night but it hurt having it touch all my teeth that were sensitive so I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that one.
I’m pretty tired by the end of dinner but want to go to the movie anyway.  Fame was a bit of a let-down and I fell asleep just before the end of it.  But it was a beautiful night and I was mighty comfortable in that Luv-Sac shoved in the back of DH’s truck.
Today:  It’s pretty obvious I overdid things yesterday.  I’m so tired.  But I’m also so tired of being tired and of being in bed.  And yet, when I’m up I am reminded of just how much I hate concussions and how much they can mess you up.  After all, I’ve had 3 or 4 in my lifetime.  It’s quite obvious I have a sinus infection now too.  I could feel it coming on over the last few days.  It is in full swing today, complete with 100 degree fever.  At least tommorow is Monday and it means getting antibiotics from the doctor. 
I can move my jaw a little bit more but other parts of me are more sore and stiff.  Turning my head makes me want to throw up so driving is out.  My shoulder is sore so I haven’t even tried lifting K2 (not that DH has even let me hold him). 
Emotionally, I think I’m still sort of a mess.  A part of me says “Well, this is life.  What happened happened.  It’s fine.  I’ll be fine.  It could be worse.”  And it certainly could and thank goodness it’s not!  Part of me is done with being sad and is ready to move on.  Part of me though just feels so physically miserable that it’s making me still emotionally miserable.  That part wants my mommy.  I want her to hold me and tell me nice things and make me laugh and do whatever she’d do so perfectly to make everything all better.  But, see, I can’t dwell on that too much or I’ll start being too sad and then I’ll cry…and have you ever tried crying when you have a concussion and a sinus infection?  It’s just a recipe for a head explosion. 
 So that was our week of rain.  I think I’m going to take a nap now.  And then maybe I’ll find a movie to watch that has rainbows in it or something.  

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