wow.

I went to the temple tonight. I want to record this because I don't want to forget the feeling I had. I had a lot of different things on my mind as I went. While sitting in the session I was trying to clear my mind so that I could feel out one thing at a time and try to get the inspiration I needed. 

 

No sooner had my mind cleared that I started remembering the personal struggle I was having with myself and body image. I was trying to think through all my self-conflicts and thought patterns about it to feel out how I was to go about changing myself and losing weight. I found I couldn't even recall the negative thoughts I was battling. I could think of the struggle and the way I've been feeling, but I couldn't recall specific thoughts. Instead my mind and heart were filled with one repeating thought "You're beautiful." I FELT it. All through me. I felt it spoken to me but I also felt it in a way that I believed it of myself as well. I don't want to lose that. I want to focus on telling myself that several times a day, of loving and nourishing myself foremost, and using the gospel to change myself from the inside out. It is Satan and the world who makes me feel I need to do otherwise and that this weight needs to be gone yesterday. Those feelings are the source of the negative thoughts and the feelings of self doubt and hopelessness. I already know that I am healthy. My bloodwork is fantastic. That should take the pressure off and allow me to love me and do this the Lord's way....inside out. He already thinks I'm beautiful and isn't His the only opinion to matter? It's not like he doesn't know my every weakness and failure and 'bad part' but He still says I'm beautiful- and does so in such a way that I really feel it and feel the truth of it.