It was a year ago exactly that I first tried Shakeology. I became interested in it after seeing friends' posts about it helping with their migraines, inflammation, mood, weight loss and more. I was desperate for weight loss, yes, but I knew the accountability of a challenge group was what I needed for that. Sure, the challenge group had a requirement of needing to drink the Shakeology each day so that may have nudged me a bit more toward the commitment to it. Ultimately though, it was different reasons that really led me to try Shakeology.
Reason numero uno: My allergies were out of control. Seriously, it was terrible. I park in our driveway and it isn't far from the front door to my car in the driveway. Even still, I found myself completely unable to function during allergy season if I so much as drove my kids to school. In that short distance to the car, I found myself gobsmacked by a roaring headache and completely wiped out for the rest of the day. Then there were the times I couldn't see much through my watery eyes or that I found myself wheezing just standing outside. Yah, it was BAD. I mean, I knew that I was about as allergic as you can get to every pollen in the area (that was a fun test to take) and I'd heard that allergies generally get worse as you get older, so I guess it only stood to reason. I reached a point that I finally broke down and asked my doctor for those allergy shots he had mentioned two years prior. Guess what? I was denied. That's right. He said NO. Apparently, having to use Epi Pens on two separate occasions and the severity of my most recent anaphylaxis disqualified me for immunotherapy. It was just too risky. So I was left to my own devices, some nasal spray, and Mucinex D (because I'm allergic to all the other allergy meds). Yah, that's real. Point being, I was desperate. It stood to reason (in my mind at least) that if Shakeology helped reduce inflammation and allergies were and inflammatory response, then Shakeology should help me with my allergies.
Result: A year later I can unequivocally say that nothing has helped my allergies more than Shakeology. I have been through two allergy seasons with barely a flinch while friends are 'dying' from their allergies. I haven't had a sinus infection either. Well, maybe one. I think. After a race it seems like. Or maybe it was right when I started eating clean and my body was getting rid of junk. I can't tell you how freeing it has been to live my life during my favorite weather seasons- fall and spring.
Reason numero dos: Girl problems. Guys, if this is TMI for you then just skip past this section. Ladies, imagine having your period twice a month. Cravings, mood swings, and all. Yep. That's what was happening to me. It had been for about a year but I was too embarrassed by the fact that I looked pregnant when I was not to get myself to the OB/GYN. I finally worked up the courage to as part of this new found commitment to my health. Test results revealed multiple ovarian cysts disrupting my cycle and confusing my hormones as well as other endometrial abnormalities. This was particularly shocking for me as prior to all this I was so regular from the day I started at 11 years old that I never even got a break after having each kid of mine. The doctor tried to convince me to go back on birth control (never my friend) or to consider discussing hysterectomy. We had to follow up in a couple of months anyway to see how they changed and determine what types of cysts they were as the reports gave varied guesses. Remember, a year I'd had mid-cycle bleeding, cramping, and a crazy obsession for chocolate.
Result: By 6 weeks into drinking Shakeology I had no more irregular periods. No more mid-cycle bleeding. No PMS cravings at all. It became such a back part of my mind that I even found myself completely unprepared at a theme park even though it was the right time of the month. I just didn't even notice it approaching. Follow-up testing after 2 months of Shakeology showed a 100% completely normal uterus. No more ovarian cysts at all. I thought it was just a fluke but it continued. During the holidays and another time, I became inconsistent in drinking Shakeology- having it maybe 3x a week instead of every day. Sure as night and day, those mid-cycle problems came right back!
Reason numero tres: Energy and weight loss. Okay, what mom doesn't want this? I have 4 kids close in age and I have hypothyroidism and low Vitamin D levels. Seriously, some days it's like a miracle that I function at all!
Result: After just a week of drinking Shakeology, I had the weirdest thing happen. It felt like a fog had been lifted from my brain. A fog I didn't even know I was in. Feeling that clarity gave me joy and excitement, which translated to more energy. Did the Shakeology help with weight loss? Well, yes and no. It's still a huge struggle for me. What it did help with was cravings and mood swings by giving my body such a dense dose of nutrition it desperately needed- things that could easily turn to uncontrolled and unhealthy eating. Getting a handle on those definitely helps with weight loss. It also provided a daily reminder of a commitment to health, which in turn led to better behaviors. Plus, having it be so convenient and the same cost as some Lean Cuisine or fast food, meant I would regularly forego the temptation to eat that stuff in favor of the Shakeology.... with so many more nutrients, it isn't even comparable.
All of these are just some of the reasons I have been drinking Shakeology for the past year. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. I really mean it when I say I love it and I noticed a real difference in how I feel with it (sidenote: my vision and thyroid have also improved over the last year). My kids love it as well and beg me for it. It serves as a nice bribery tool. My kindergartner hates to eat lunch but would never complain if I offered Shakeology. It is such a convenient meal when on the road or on vacation. It's a great pre-race meal for me and keeps my blood sugar steady through the long triathlons.
So why would I stop drinking something so great, something I love, something that has truly changed my health for the better? Well, that part is much harder to share and I will in Part Two.
Showing posts with label medical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label medical. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
sometimes you just gotta get it out
The day started out well enough. I didn't get up as early as I'd intended but that's nothing new. I got my workout in as soon as the kids were off to school and the youngest was at a playgroup. I really pushed it. No joke, my legs felt like jello. It felt so good to be healthy enough to do that again so quickly after just being sick. After that it seemed my day just sort of disappeared. I found myself running around from one 'must-do' to another and before I knew it I had missed a few meals and was absent the time to make any. I wasn't even hungry. Or so I thought.
That's when it happened. I had a doctor appointment for some concerns I'd been putting off for quite some time. I just didn't want there to be anything to deal with so I figured if I ignored it then there wouldn't. This accountability group and my commitment to total health convinced me and gave me the courage to do make the appointment. So the appointment took longer than expected. I planned on it taking some time so I'd grabbed an apple and string cheese. Even still, it took longer than anticipated. By the time I was done, my husband was off work and had picked up the kids from their friends' houses. Seeing a chance to get a few things at the store without anyone else, I stopped by the grocery store. Good move or bad? I'm not sure. By the time I was done at the store I was overwhelmed and tired. The anxiety of the tests ordered by the doctor and the urgency with which they ordered them had settled in. I made good choices and bought good food at the store, but by the time I got home from there and put the food away I was done. It was like I had used up all my willpower and energy just at the store and I simply no longer wanted to make any decisions. I wanted to eat anything. I realized I was wanting to hide my anxiety with a distraction and that the fact that I'd had so little to eat throughout the day left me vulnerable and turning to that as an outlet. Another illustration of the importance of being prepared and taking care of yourself regularly so that 'your cup is always full.' In the end I made a couple of bad food choices. But did I go on a binge? No. That's progress I'd say. In fact, I'd say even my bad choices weren't as bad as they might have been....of course, not having the food on hand helped as did feeling too cheap to buy something to satisfy some other need in the moment that wasn't going to last. Whoa... that's a new one for me. There is hope yet!
That's when it happened. I had a doctor appointment for some concerns I'd been putting off for quite some time. I just didn't want there to be anything to deal with so I figured if I ignored it then there wouldn't. This accountability group and my commitment to total health convinced me and gave me the courage to do make the appointment. So the appointment took longer than expected. I planned on it taking some time so I'd grabbed an apple and string cheese. Even still, it took longer than anticipated. By the time I was done, my husband was off work and had picked up the kids from their friends' houses. Seeing a chance to get a few things at the store without anyone else, I stopped by the grocery store. Good move or bad? I'm not sure. By the time I was done at the store I was overwhelmed and tired. The anxiety of the tests ordered by the doctor and the urgency with which they ordered them had settled in. I made good choices and bought good food at the store, but by the time I got home from there and put the food away I was done. It was like I had used up all my willpower and energy just at the store and I simply no longer wanted to make any decisions. I wanted to eat anything. I realized I was wanting to hide my anxiety with a distraction and that the fact that I'd had so little to eat throughout the day left me vulnerable and turning to that as an outlet. Another illustration of the importance of being prepared and taking care of yourself regularly so that 'your cup is always full.' In the end I made a couple of bad food choices. But did I go on a binge? No. That's progress I'd say. In fact, I'd say even my bad choices weren't as bad as they might have been....of course, not having the food on hand helped as did feeling too cheap to buy something to satisfy some other need in the moment that wasn't going to last. Whoa... that's a new one for me. There is hope yet!
Saturday, March 2, 2013
allergies suck.
I don't recall ever having allergies (environmental)
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
blood.
I have to have bloodwork done every 6 months or so due to my thyroid medication. I thought the dr office only had you come in to go over lab results when something was wrong with them, but I also forget in 6 months' time. Turns out I was wrong. Picture perfect comprehensive labs for me. :) take that judgemental people :P
Sunday, September 30, 2012
moving forward
I'm reminded how very grateful I am for the journey I have made over the last couple of years. There was a time I thought I would never be whole or well again. There was a time that I couldn't stand without being sick and had to be helped to the bathroom. Then I got better but couldn't go anywhere or do anything in the dark. Then I got better but couldn't do too much or get overly tired or bend up and down much. And so it continued baby step at a time, 2 steps forward and one step back. Now I find myself walking around in a moving RV in the dark, bending up and down to help kids- and I feel fine. I never take the ability to be upright, to walk, or to feel balance for granted anymore. And I'm so grateful for all the 'life lessons' and spiritual insight I gained in that journey that sustained me in the one that followed. I feel happy and blessed to be where I am right now.
Monday, August 8, 2011
lessons learned.
I just feel the need to write. I'm not even sure of or how to express all my feelings but they need to be recorded.
After the cardiologist discovered last week that my carotid arteries are 50% blocked, I have an MRA today. The ultrasound didn't show plaque. I can't help thinking it has something to do with weakened artery walls- and that it's something related to my dad's AVM or my mom's aneurysm. In any case, my initial reaction was one of hurt, dismay, fear, etc. I thought 'here we go again' (with another big trial). I felt embarrassed that perhaps I brought this upon myself and that if I'd only faced up to my food addiction sooner.... But no sooner had I had that particular thought, the thought clearly came to my mind (and again as I write this) 'I'm not trying to punish you, I am trying to save you!' How often do we see trials and tribulations as difficulties, inconveniences, or punishments & consequences? Yet so often they are opportunities for growth and learning- for saving ourselves in an eternal sense. Even when faced with consequences of other's agency or simply of a mortal life (because God doesn't 'inflict' everything on us)- we are promised that, if we ask for it, all these things will be made good and for our experience. That's such a wonderful promise and I know it to be true as I have experienced it many times in my life. I have struggled and endured trial after trial, always seeking to see the lesson. However, sometimes that isn't immediately clear. Even so, I have found that when I faced with seemingly insurmountable difficulty or trial, if I take it before the Lord and ask him to turn it for good, then I am more able to turn my life over to Him- putting my will in His hands. This has always had the best outcome. Not only that, but it is the only way to overcome fear, for casting out fear can only occur with a welcoming of faith.
This past year has been filled with many trials of faith, but also much growth and change. As I struggled with physical therapy for my brain injury, I couldn't see the point of it all. I felt broken and helpless. It was a big inconvenience that affected my ability to be a mother and caused, at least to me, additional stress for my kids and husband. So often I asked why. I received a priesthood blessing at some point that told me I would be healed in due time and blessed me with patience. Those were not the words I wanted to hear. I wanted to be healed right then and there and I had the faith that I could. But that was not God's plan and I needed to put my trust in Him. I thought he was 'inflicting' this on me to 'make' me learn something. I understand now that He very lovingly saw a less painful opportunity to teach me and help me grow with lessons that would sustain me in the coming months and trials ahead. As I turned my life to Him and asked Him for that blessing, I allowed that to happen. He wasn't going to force a lesson on me or just 'use' me to teach someone else a lesson. During the course of the physical therapy, I would feel like I was taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. I would break down in the middle of a session, crying. J was usually my therapist and was so wonderful. He explained to me that my body had healed itself wrong (by compensating) and that in order for it to heal correctly it needed to first be broken down- much like a broken bone that heals on its own before first being put in the right place and has to be rebroken. Therefore, things were most certainly going to get worse before they got better but I needed to trust him that they would get better and that he would show me how and be there to help me every step of the way. Wow- can we cay parallel to life?! So many times in the last year I have seen the truth of that from an eternal perspective and returned to that lesson for strength and comfort. I also learned in a very physical way about how we need to push ourselves to do hard things we may not want to, but that going more than we are able does us more harm than good. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, as I've always felt I just needed to be strong and push through things. I thought that if I just pushed myself harder then I would heal faster (and be done with this trial/inconvenience faster). I learned that the opposite was true and that if we trust in the one who knows what they are doing and trust in the timing of it all, believing all would be well in due time, then that would happen- and we wouldn't make ourselves sick in the meantime.
I have had to draw on these lessons time and time again over the last year as I have worked through and with the disclosure of being married to a pornography addict, the realization of my own addictions, and facing a chaotic past filled with turmoil and abuse- with the resolution to be the transitional generation.
Finding out about the extent of DH's addiction and the lies in our marriage led me to visit a counselor with the desire to not be a victim and to stop the trend in the family of women being victimized. She led me to participate in an intensive recovery group called SOLE- Survivors of Life Experiences. It was a group for women who'd survived trauma of many kinds, often abuse. I didn't want to go initially. I felt it didn't apply to me or that I wasn't 'that' bad. But the Lord testified to me in more ways than one that this was where He wanted me and I would be blessed for going. The SOLE experience was literally life-changing. I learned how I had developed coping behaviors and thinking patterns as a means of getting through and surviving my life. Having been used by so many others it was hard not to see God as doing the same to me. Having a father who only seemed to love and approve of me when 'perfect', I felt like God loved me and yet had a checklist he was keeping that if I didn't' live up to, I didn't' have His full approval and love. As I went through the program and prayed for humility, I felt more broken. Much as my body needed to be broken to heal correctly, my soul no needed to be. How grateful I was to have learned that lesson for it was easier to do so in that environment and gave me the strength and hope in the next.... For I truly felt more broken than ever! The miraculous thing was that as I went through this experience I found that I was able to feel the love of my Heavenly Father. To really feel it. I had always known He loved me and had indeed felt His spirit and love- but this was a far more intense and personal experience. It's like the veil has become a bit more thin when I choose it to be- and what a joyous feeling that is! I'm sad that I since haven't done as well, been as consistent, at striving for that and allowing for that...but such is the struggle of mortality and each second of every day is a chance to start anew. I feel like the Lord has testified to me many times this past year of His love for me. He has validated my every feeling (never leaving me feeling guilty for having a negative one). He has graced me with His presence, simply being at my side at times. He has cheered me on and fought for me. He has allowed me to experience the companionship, support, and encouragement of my mother life I've never known. He has opened my eyes wide to all kinds of things- blessings, weaknesses, sins, graces, miracles, and lessons. For those things I am so unbelievably grateful. Living life with your eyes opened is like being in the temple when they turn more lights on- you don't realized how dim it has been until you suddenly have more light.
I went to the St. George temple a couple weeks ago for the first time. The opportunity presented itself and I had tot take it. I'd been feeling for some time a strong need to go to the temple (though not for any particular reason) and the Las Vegas one had been closed for cleaning. No sooner did I walk in the door than I was overcome by a tremendous feeling of love, like I had never before experienced. I was taken by surprise because I didn't feel like I'd been lacking that feeling and wondered what the purpose could be for Him choosing to fill me so greatly at that time. I reasoned that it was because I was also feeling the love, joy, approval, and presence of my mom. I was also planning to work through steps 4 and 5 of the ARP & PASG groups- where you make a searching and honest inventory of your life and then disclose it. I thought "Heavenly Father already knows all these things about me- everything past and present, in the open or hidden by shame- yet He loves me this much, with this intensity." That was a very powerful experience and very freeing. I came to realize that it is His love (which is felt by faith) that dispels fear and grants power. It really is love (in the form of experiencing God's love for us) that conquers all. Not only that, but the Atonement happened because of love- Christ loved us all so much that He was willing to go through that for each and every one of us. Wow.
So back to now.... Experiencing that intense feeling of love opened my eyes and softened my heart, allowing me to really feel again the depth and sincerity of my love for DH. With all we've been through in the past year, that is a tremendous gift and one I had prayed for even when receiving validation that if I needed to leave that was okay, for I had done my part in my marriage. But to feel those same intensity of feelings felt on our wedding day was truly a wonderful gift.
So I have this MRA today and I can't help feeling that my life is about to change in a very real way. That all these lessons and experiences over the last year have been leading up to this. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful to have the experience of learning and growing line upon line and precept on precept. I'm grateful to have learned the value of one step at a time and trusting in the Lord. I see great love and care in all He has been with me through in the past few years. I see His face smiling at me with nothing but love and acceptance, in spite of all my weaknesses and shortcomings. I didn't always feel this way. I no longer see Him as just allowing bad things to happen to me or as inflicting things upon me to teach me a lesson. He loves me. I got a priesthood blessing last night in preparation for today. Really, it mostly said a lot of things I'd been praying for and I felt liek a lot of it was for DH's benefit as he was the one giving it. I was told of the love people here on earth and in Heaven have for me. I was told that those on the other side of the veil would be with me. I was encouraged to draw on and remember these things- this love & the love of my Heavenly Father as I put my life in the Lord's hands (something I'd been praying for though not in quite so literally a sense). I was encouraged not to be afraid and to trust God. I was told that I'd had a difficult and hard life, having gone through so much already in such a short time. I guess it was nice to have that validated. I was blessed to be strong in body, mind and spirit. I feel like something big is coming but that the Lord wants me to know He loves me very much and has given me and my family the tools necessary to get us through this. I just will need to remember and draw on that regularly. I guess that's why I felt the need to write all these things down. It's easy to fear the unknown and to think of all the possible bad scenarios- particularly when you've experienced so much of that. But the only way to overcome that is by trusting God, loving Him, and allowing yourself to feel His love for you. He may only be concerned on an eternal and spiritual perspective (though I think He is concerned for the physical and temporal as well) but "I am saving you" is the thought I had and continue to have. How and what that entails- well I guess that's up to him. ;)
After the cardiologist discovered last week that my carotid arteries are 50% blocked, I have an MRA today. The ultrasound didn't show plaque. I can't help thinking it has something to do with weakened artery walls- and that it's something related to my dad's AVM or my mom's aneurysm. In any case, my initial reaction was one of hurt, dismay, fear, etc. I thought 'here we go again' (with another big trial). I felt embarrassed that perhaps I brought this upon myself and that if I'd only faced up to my food addiction sooner.... But no sooner had I had that particular thought, the thought clearly came to my mind (and again as I write this) 'I'm not trying to punish you, I am trying to save you!' How often do we see trials and tribulations as difficulties, inconveniences, or punishments & consequences? Yet so often they are opportunities for growth and learning- for saving ourselves in an eternal sense. Even when faced with consequences of other's agency or simply of a mortal life (because God doesn't 'inflict' everything on us)- we are promised that, if we ask for it, all these things will be made good and for our experience. That's such a wonderful promise and I know it to be true as I have experienced it many times in my life. I have struggled and endured trial after trial, always seeking to see the lesson. However, sometimes that isn't immediately clear. Even so, I have found that when I faced with seemingly insurmountable difficulty or trial, if I take it before the Lord and ask him to turn it for good, then I am more able to turn my life over to Him- putting my will in His hands. This has always had the best outcome. Not only that, but it is the only way to overcome fear, for casting out fear can only occur with a welcoming of faith.
This past year has been filled with many trials of faith, but also much growth and change. As I struggled with physical therapy for my brain injury, I couldn't see the point of it all. I felt broken and helpless. It was a big inconvenience that affected my ability to be a mother and caused, at least to me, additional stress for my kids and husband. So often I asked why. I received a priesthood blessing at some point that told me I would be healed in due time and blessed me with patience. Those were not the words I wanted to hear. I wanted to be healed right then and there and I had the faith that I could. But that was not God's plan and I needed to put my trust in Him. I thought he was 'inflicting' this on me to 'make' me learn something. I understand now that He very lovingly saw a less painful opportunity to teach me and help me grow with lessons that would sustain me in the coming months and trials ahead. As I turned my life to Him and asked Him for that blessing, I allowed that to happen. He wasn't going to force a lesson on me or just 'use' me to teach someone else a lesson. During the course of the physical therapy, I would feel like I was taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. I would break down in the middle of a session, crying. J was usually my therapist and was so wonderful. He explained to me that my body had healed itself wrong (by compensating) and that in order for it to heal correctly it needed to first be broken down- much like a broken bone that heals on its own before first being put in the right place and has to be rebroken. Therefore, things were most certainly going to get worse before they got better but I needed to trust him that they would get better and that he would show me how and be there to help me every step of the way. Wow- can we cay parallel to life?! So many times in the last year I have seen the truth of that from an eternal perspective and returned to that lesson for strength and comfort. I also learned in a very physical way about how we need to push ourselves to do hard things we may not want to, but that going more than we are able does us more harm than good. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, as I've always felt I just needed to be strong and push through things. I thought that if I just pushed myself harder then I would heal faster (and be done with this trial/inconvenience faster). I learned that the opposite was true and that if we trust in the one who knows what they are doing and trust in the timing of it all, believing all would be well in due time, then that would happen- and we wouldn't make ourselves sick in the meantime.
I have had to draw on these lessons time and time again over the last year as I have worked through and with the disclosure of being married to a pornography addict, the realization of my own addictions, and facing a chaotic past filled with turmoil and abuse- with the resolution to be the transitional generation.
Finding out about the extent of DH's addiction and the lies in our marriage led me to visit a counselor with the desire to not be a victim and to stop the trend in the family of women being victimized. She led me to participate in an intensive recovery group called SOLE- Survivors of Life Experiences. It was a group for women who'd survived trauma of many kinds, often abuse. I didn't want to go initially. I felt it didn't apply to me or that I wasn't 'that' bad. But the Lord testified to me in more ways than one that this was where He wanted me and I would be blessed for going. The SOLE experience was literally life-changing. I learned how I had developed coping behaviors and thinking patterns as a means of getting through and surviving my life. Having been used by so many others it was hard not to see God as doing the same to me. Having a father who only seemed to love and approve of me when 'perfect', I felt like God loved me and yet had a checklist he was keeping that if I didn't' live up to, I didn't' have His full approval and love. As I went through the program and prayed for humility, I felt more broken. Much as my body needed to be broken to heal correctly, my soul no needed to be. How grateful I was to have learned that lesson for it was easier to do so in that environment and gave me the strength and hope in the next.... For I truly felt more broken than ever! The miraculous thing was that as I went through this experience I found that I was able to feel the love of my Heavenly Father. To really feel it. I had always known He loved me and had indeed felt His spirit and love- but this was a far more intense and personal experience. It's like the veil has become a bit more thin when I choose it to be- and what a joyous feeling that is! I'm sad that I since haven't done as well, been as consistent, at striving for that and allowing for that...but such is the struggle of mortality and each second of every day is a chance to start anew. I feel like the Lord has testified to me many times this past year of His love for me. He has validated my every feeling (never leaving me feeling guilty for having a negative one). He has graced me with His presence, simply being at my side at times. He has cheered me on and fought for me. He has allowed me to experience the companionship, support, and encouragement of my mother life I've never known. He has opened my eyes wide to all kinds of things- blessings, weaknesses, sins, graces, miracles, and lessons. For those things I am so unbelievably grateful. Living life with your eyes opened is like being in the temple when they turn more lights on- you don't realized how dim it has been until you suddenly have more light.
I went to the St. George temple a couple weeks ago for the first time. The opportunity presented itself and I had tot take it. I'd been feeling for some time a strong need to go to the temple (though not for any particular reason) and the Las Vegas one had been closed for cleaning. No sooner did I walk in the door than I was overcome by a tremendous feeling of love, like I had never before experienced. I was taken by surprise because I didn't feel like I'd been lacking that feeling and wondered what the purpose could be for Him choosing to fill me so greatly at that time. I reasoned that it was because I was also feeling the love, joy, approval, and presence of my mom. I was also planning to work through steps 4 and 5 of the ARP & PASG groups- where you make a searching and honest inventory of your life and then disclose it. I thought "Heavenly Father already knows all these things about me- everything past and present, in the open or hidden by shame- yet He loves me this much, with this intensity." That was a very powerful experience and very freeing. I came to realize that it is His love (which is felt by faith) that dispels fear and grants power. It really is love (in the form of experiencing God's love for us) that conquers all. Not only that, but the Atonement happened because of love- Christ loved us all so much that He was willing to go through that for each and every one of us. Wow.
So back to now.... Experiencing that intense feeling of love opened my eyes and softened my heart, allowing me to really feel again the depth and sincerity of my love for DH. With all we've been through in the past year, that is a tremendous gift and one I had prayed for even when receiving validation that if I needed to leave that was okay, for I had done my part in my marriage. But to feel those same intensity of feelings felt on our wedding day was truly a wonderful gift.
So I have this MRA today and I can't help feeling that my life is about to change in a very real way. That all these lessons and experiences over the last year have been leading up to this. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful to have the experience of learning and growing line upon line and precept on precept. I'm grateful to have learned the value of one step at a time and trusting in the Lord. I see great love and care in all He has been with me through in the past few years. I see His face smiling at me with nothing but love and acceptance, in spite of all my weaknesses and shortcomings. I didn't always feel this way. I no longer see Him as just allowing bad things to happen to me or as inflicting things upon me to teach me a lesson. He loves me. I got a priesthood blessing last night in preparation for today. Really, it mostly said a lot of things I'd been praying for and I felt liek a lot of it was for DH's benefit as he was the one giving it. I was told of the love people here on earth and in Heaven have for me. I was told that those on the other side of the veil would be with me. I was encouraged to draw on and remember these things- this love & the love of my Heavenly Father as I put my life in the Lord's hands (something I'd been praying for though not in quite so literally a sense). I was encouraged not to be afraid and to trust God. I was told that I'd had a difficult and hard life, having gone through so much already in such a short time. I guess it was nice to have that validated. I was blessed to be strong in body, mind and spirit. I feel like something big is coming but that the Lord wants me to know He loves me very much and has given me and my family the tools necessary to get us through this. I just will need to remember and draw on that regularly. I guess that's why I felt the need to write all these things down. It's easy to fear the unknown and to think of all the possible bad scenarios- particularly when you've experienced so much of that. But the only way to overcome that is by trusting God, loving Him, and allowing yourself to feel His love for you. He may only be concerned on an eternal and spiritual perspective (though I think He is concerned for the physical and temporal as well) but "I am saving you" is the thought I had and continue to have. How and what that entails- well I guess that's up to him. ;)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
oops. bummer.
Really? It's been that long since I wrote? Wow.
Well, Thursday night (6/2) I rode my bike for half an hour and went to group. On Friday I called my Dr because my chest was still hurting from the bike ride as though I hadn't taken any asthma medicine before my workout. When he saw me that evening he said I'd really messed myself up and my bronchial system was super inflamed. He gave me a steroid shot- which sucked- and some medicine. We had been praying to know whether to go to Brianhead for the weekend as we had planned. When we discovered earlier in the day that our bank account was dry then that sort of answered that. So I thought we should hike Mary Jane Falls on Saturday instead. Well, then the doctor said how inflamed my airways were so DH vetoed going anywhere with thinner air. I'm grateful we got clear answers to our prayers. I heard on the news yesterday that a woman was in critical condition after a boulder fell on her head on that very same hike over the weekend. I can't help but wonder...
So any exercise or training has been off-limits, which is a major bummer. But for whatever reason things really did flare up badly and I did have to spend time in the ER Sat night getting oxygen, a breathing treatment, and an i.v.
So it was obviously a very lazy weekend. I also found it hard to eat well while sick. Like I just didn't have the brain capacity to think of good food and to eat...and I just wanted carbs. So I didn't do as well as I had been but I also didn't do horribly either. I will weigh-in tomorrow.
Things otherwise are going okay. I just am really super tired. I'm trying to get things organized for the summer. I can't believe school gets out in a couple of days. I know the summer is just going to fly by and then it will be my birthday before I know it. I really don't want to be overweight going into my 30s. I want to have developed long-lasting healthy habits- sort of like my gift to myself.
DH has been doing okay. Things have been really hard and stressful at work. He works for his dad and that adds an extra element of stress when things are taken out on him. But he has opened up to me and told me it has been hard and that he has written in his journal instead of acting out. Even so, it's like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is a situation at work that needs to be handled and I know I will feel much better when it is.
Well, Thursday night (6/2) I rode my bike for half an hour and went to group. On Friday I called my Dr because my chest was still hurting from the bike ride as though I hadn't taken any asthma medicine before my workout. When he saw me that evening he said I'd really messed myself up and my bronchial system was super inflamed. He gave me a steroid shot- which sucked- and some medicine. We had been praying to know whether to go to Brianhead for the weekend as we had planned. When we discovered earlier in the day that our bank account was dry then that sort of answered that. So I thought we should hike Mary Jane Falls on Saturday instead. Well, then the doctor said how inflamed my airways were so DH vetoed going anywhere with thinner air. I'm grateful we got clear answers to our prayers. I heard on the news yesterday that a woman was in critical condition after a boulder fell on her head on that very same hike over the weekend. I can't help but wonder...
So any exercise or training has been off-limits, which is a major bummer. But for whatever reason things really did flare up badly and I did have to spend time in the ER Sat night getting oxygen, a breathing treatment, and an i.v.
So it was obviously a very lazy weekend. I also found it hard to eat well while sick. Like I just didn't have the brain capacity to think of good food and to eat...and I just wanted carbs. So I didn't do as well as I had been but I also didn't do horribly either. I will weigh-in tomorrow.
Things otherwise are going okay. I just am really super tired. I'm trying to get things organized for the summer. I can't believe school gets out in a couple of days. I know the summer is just going to fly by and then it will be my birthday before I know it. I really don't want to be overweight going into my 30s. I want to have developed long-lasting healthy habits- sort of like my gift to myself.
DH has been doing okay. Things have been really hard and stressful at work. He works for his dad and that adds an extra element of stress when things are taken out on him. But he has opened up to me and told me it has been hard and that he has written in his journal instead of acting out. Even so, it's like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is a situation at work that needs to be handled and I know I will feel much better when it is.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
medical update.
I've had quite a few people asking for updates on the latest medical drama in our home so I thought I'd just post a note about it rather than several status updates. ;)
After months of increasing problems it appears that eliminating the common chemicals I am allergic to has finally begun to make a difference. My enlarged lymph nodes are finally decreasing and some even seem to have gone away. Better yet, I haven't developed any new symptoms, which is more than I could say for several months in a row. Maybe we really did figure the bizareness out and maybe, just maybe, I really can go back on a diet and lose this way for real and safely. :) The one sad thing is that I have found that I can't wear many of my pairs of earrings anymore. The holes they go in just start itching and driving me crazy. This really is sad. I love my earrings.
We have been trying to figure out the cause of frequent migraines W has been having. I had assumed it was due to allergies for a long time. However, increasing allergy regimens didn't seem to help and his nose was so constantly congested even with treatment that the doctor sent us for allergy testing. I was shocked to find out that he was negative for everything (especially after learning I am allergic to nearly everything). The pediatrician and a neurologist both confirmed he has been having migraines, rather than just headaches. Thinking perhaps it was still related to his nasal congestion, I took him to my ENT. He has been having dizziness frequently with these headaches and complaining of his head feeling 'funny.' So I also thought it would be good to rule out any vertigo issues I and my grandpa have. Anyway, the allergist and his pulmonologist both sent him for a CT of his sinuses and chest xray. The chest xray looked fine (yay) and I reviewed the CT with the ENT just yesterday. He does have some narrowing and possible sinus disease. His turbinates (if you know what those are) are really rather large. He has what may be a cyst or what may also just be sign of infection in one side as well. However, the ENT doesn't think these are enough to warrant the kind of headaches he has been having. Thankfully, adding a nasal antihistamine (to treat non-allergic rhinitis) in addition to his nasal steroid has really helped his being able to breathe through his nose. The ENT is inclined to wait until the neurologist deems it necessary to do anything about his sinuses, after ruling other things out. He had an EEG today to rule out seizures being a cause of the dizziness and 'funny' feeling (he sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night with it). He did great for it...holding still and falling asleep just like he was supposed to so it was a relief he didn't need to be sedated. He will, unfortunately, have to be sedated for his MRI at the end of the month though. After seeing how nervous he was about staying still for the CT though I was glad they were going to sedate for the MRI. We won't get any results on the EEG or MRI until the middle of May unfortunately as that is when he has his follow-up so that they could go over both together. I do like his doctor, which was more than I could say about my pediatric neurologist. He has really excellent credentials too so I have high hopes. It's a bit of a pain but I'm glad they are anxious to be super thorough. Billy's family has a history of migraines. I was technically diagnosed with epilepsy as a teenager. My dad had an AVM. I have a brother with a tumor on his optic nerve. And then of course there is my mom and her brain aneurysm. Soooo yeah.... happy to be thorough. :)
Then there is K2. He had an endoscopy and colonoscopy last week. He is doing well. They showed that his reflux medicine is adequately treating him so that is good. The doctor couldn't find the polyps that we had seen. This is a good thing in that polyps would've been really rare, likely bad, and certain regular checkups for the rest of his life. It's a bad thing in that if it wasn't polyps it was a rectal prolapse (or a miracle happened and it was polyps and they went away on their own- something I'm not discounting). The doctor wants us to keep an eye out for it happening again and to watch his weight closely. His concern is that it could be an early sign of cystic fibrosis, something a cousin of mine had. Like I said, we will just watch and monitor him. Hopefully he will just improve and improve and all this will go away on its own. :) He has tested positive for allergies to milk, eggs, and wheat but they are only minor allergies so we don't have to do much. More like irritants. I have just tried to cut back on those in his diet where I can and be aware that he may have issues if he has a lot.
So there you have it. That's the general update for the time being. I'm grateful I was blessed with a desire to learn about medical things from a very early age. Reading medical texts has served me well. :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
a look back at 2010.
It was a hard year for a lot of people, ourselves included. As I thought back on 2010 I realized just how much of it seemed to have been spent at doctor’s offices, in bed, or at therapy appointments… all for me. I am grateful that my children were largely healthy for the year (aside from K getting his tonsils out and having a large mole removed from his back, P breaking her arm and needing a lot of miserable skin treatments for other problems, and Kyle getting tubes in his ears). I am not sure how we would have juggled much more. I think I went to the grocery store maybe 6 times during the year. I’m grateful I had a good store of food storage to use and a husband who could pick up some things here and there. January started with my wisdom teeth coming out, getting horribly infected, then getting braces on before they were even fully healed. By the end of February I was having serious vertigo problems that were leaving me largely bedridden for days at a time. It took over a month before an ENT finally determined that I had gotten a minor traumatic brain injury and damaged my otolith (something in your inner ear) back when I had fallen and hit my head on the stairs in October (also the reason for the braces, to realign my messed up bite). So it was that in either March or April I began physical therapy at the Werner Institute. It was a long, painful, sometimes sickening process as I had to have multiple epiley maneuvers and experienced many setbacks. I went twice a week for an hour every single week until the beginning of September. What a blessing it is to move around normally! To be able to ride in a car (or even drive), especially at night, without feeling like you’re going to throw up… to be able to pick something up off the ground or turn side to side without feeling like you’re going to either throw up or fall over… to be able to feel awake and not worn out from your brain working overtime just to keep you upright. I still experience the effects if I get worn down, overly stressed, or sick…but it’s not nearly as bad and I even find myself grateful for a very clear signal from my body that forces me to stop everything and just rest. I went straight from physical therapy to being involved in a wonderful 12-week therapy group called SOLE (Survivors of Life Experiences). That ended at Thanksgiving and we filled the last month of the year with appointments as we had met our deductibles.
While it seems that much of the year was spent in a fog I realized that it was a year of tremendous growth and lessons learned. I learned much about humility and patience. I gained much more of these attributes than I ever honestly thought I’d have. I learned that when something heals wrong you have to break it to fix it the right way. This is often incredibly painful. Even though we have the remarkable ability of adapting to cope and survive, it doesn’t mean that those mechanisms we develop are the best for us and at some point we must examine and correct where needed. I learned that my Heavenly Father loves me for me and that He loves me for my imperfections…that I do not need to be perfect to receive His love and approval. I learned that if we pray for a change of heart and for humility, we will surely receive… That it does not have to be a heart-wrenching experience as we feel pride crushed, but rather it is an opening experience as we are better able to receive the Lord in our lives and feel His presence more than ever. I learned how to just let things go. I experienced a powerful Priesthood blessing from someone unaware of my circumstance that gave me unmeasured blessings and showed me just how much my Heavenly Father truly is aware of my every need, often even before I am. I experienced many answers to prayers as I received confirmation from multiple sources… giving me greater confidence in myself and my ability to receive personal revelation. I was blessed to be able to see others through the eyes of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and to glimpse the love they feel for us. I learned how much I need others and yet how much I don’t…how very capable I am. I learned to experience peace and joy in the midst of chaos and imperfect circumstances. I grew…and I am grateful.
Also, I found this list that I had made at the beginning of 2010. I prefer to make ‘affirmations’ rather than goals and see how many come to pass. My health issues threw a wrench into a few things but I’m pretty happy with where I ended up. Here is the list I’d made:
In 2010 I will:
- Read at least 20 books Done
- Finish rereading the Book of Mormon Done
- Take a name to the temple Done
- Lose all this baby weight (and yes, I’m still going to call it that even though my baby will turn 2 this year), slowly but surely so that it stays off uhhh….yeahhhh…
- Go on a hike each month was getting done until I could no longer hike as the walking made me dizzy and nauseous
- Pay off AT LEAST one or two creditors Done
- Attend the temple each month Done (minus Dec but I was going weekly for a few months so that must count)
- Be more provident by preparing my own mixes for ready-use Done
- Learn to can (no, not can-can) I made some jam that didn’t really set and I canned some dry mixes, does that count?
- Teach Will and Pammie to play piano uhhhh
- Paint something Done
- Focus each day not on making my house clean, but instead on helping it be more clean more often Done
- Take one photo each day to document what our life is like This went out the door as soon as I spent a full week unable to even get out of bed without help to go to the bathroom.
- Finish rereading the Book of Mormon Done
- Take a name to the temple Done
- Lose all this baby weight (and yes, I’m still going to call it that even though my baby will turn 2 this year), slowly but surely so that it stays off uhhh….yeahhhh…
- Go on a hike each month was getting done until I could no longer hike as the walking made me dizzy and nauseous
- Pay off AT LEAST one or two creditors Done
- Attend the temple each month Done (minus Dec
but I was going weekly for a few months so that must count)- Be more provident by preparing my own mixes for ready-use Done
- Learn to can (no, not can-can) I made some jam that didn’t really set and I canned some dry mixes, does that count?
- Teach Will and Pammie to play piano uhhhh
- Paint something Done
- Focus each day not on making my house clean, but instead on helping it be more clean more often Done
- Take one photo each day to document what our life is like This went out the door as soon as I spent a full week unable to even get out of bed without help to go to the bathroom.
So I’m pretty satisfied with it. This year’s list looks something like this:
In 2011 I will:
- Finish reading the New Testament
- Read 20 books again
- Attend the temple monthly
- Pray daily
- Pay off at least another two creditors
- Write a letter to someone each month
- Document our lives (whether it be regular blogging, daily pics, journaling…dunno)
- Have regular one-on-one time with each of my kids
- Spend 5 hours a week in personal meditation, reflection, scripture study etc as challenged by our Stake President
- Get my kids all doing regular chores
- Lose at least 20 pounds….preferrably all the rest I have to lose as well
- Live within a budget and record finances
- ‘DeJunk’ weekly
- Go on at least 6 hikes
- Go camping
- Sew each kid a pair of pajama pants and myself a full outfit
- Update the favorites recipe book I compiled
Thursday, April 15, 2010
journal entry.
4.14.10
I was thinking tonight of how I have felt restless today, and frequently lately. A yearning for something, but what? Why? As I was thinking of this it occured to me that perhaps it is simply a longing for peace and normalcy again. See, I had reached this state and feeling of contentment and happiness with pretty much all the aspects of my life. I had things figured out. I should clarify- I AM happy with my life. However, I would be fooling myself if I did not admit that these past six months have been HARD. Not in any way that ever seemed too difficult to handle. Not in any way that has left me feeling a low of lows (though, admittedly, things were pretty bad after the miscarriage when this all began). I have always felt greatly blessed and very grateful. No, this is different. It is a feelign of weariness. Like it has been a long, drawn-out process of wearying myself. I am not complaining. I am simply remembering what was once so liberating to myself after all this began... That no one can nurture me better than myself (except my Heavenly Father of course). I'm not sure if nurture is the right word. Let me see if I can explain. After my fall and concussion, as soon as I stopped bleeding from the miscarriage, I treated myself to a massage. I believe very strongly in the healing benefits of massage. After my massage I felt, almost overwhelmingly, as though my soul had been hugged. Like I had allowed myself to soothe some inner broken spirit by saying 'it's okay- it's been really hard and you've been through hard thing' and doing something nice and healing for myself by getting the massage. It was a wonderful and freeing experience after having been in bed for weeks becasue of the pain (both physical and emotional) of a miscarriage and then the physical trauma of a concussion and other injuries.
Well, as we all inevitably do, I got caught up in the business of life. I lost myself in the service of others. It didn't hurt that this occured just before November and the holiday season. As my body tried to heal and I sought answers to help it, I failed to remember to renew and uplift my soul. Since October my life has seemed an endless stream of doctor's appointments and ailments for myself. Of pain, frustration, and more questions than answers. It is one thing to always be taking your children to doctors or to fight to find answers for a loved one's medical condition. I find it so much more draining to have to do it for yourself. No wonder I have suddenly missed my mom more in the last month than I have in a long time! No wonder I have not just longed for, but truly YEARNED to travel, to get away, to immerse myself in art and nature and new things. No wonder I find myself suddenly wanting to move far away even though I love my home, my neighbors, my ward, my location. It's as if I think that doing something big and drastic will suddenly make me all better again. It won't.
I realized that the only way I am going to return to a state of 'normalcy' and vibrancy admidst the medical issues at hand is to acknowledge my own self and say 'hey, it's okay.' What a self-empowering thing that is. To say to yourself that you can be content and happy and satisfied and yet weary. To say that weekly appointments (at a minimum) would be draining on any person who did not take care of themselves, even some who did. To say that perhaps it isn't your fault that your body appears to be falling to pieces...and that if it is then that's okay too so long as you don't let your soul do the same. To acknowledge that you can just keep keepin on and forging forward but that even a long journey wearies the seasoned traveler. No wonder there are days when every fiber of my being just yearns for a break. But how do you take a break from yourself? From a body that isn't allowing you to do the things you really want to? You don't. Instead you must turn to confront it, to embrace it, to nurture it. Only then can you begin to heal, even if your body does not (or does not for a longer period of time).
I am going to try and remember these things especially as I go to my physical therapy tommorow. I left my last appointment in tears after having a setback so soon into treatment and being able to perform so few of the tasks. I expressed frustration to the therapist at the cause not being singled out...at the inability STILL to rule out a problem within the brain. I am sure that was my own (well founded) fears talking. I told them of how I didn't have time for this, for not being able to function normally. I needed my life back. Other people needed me fully back. The poor physical therapist was so kind and patient as I expressed my frustration at feeling like so much of my body was just one big mess that seemed beyond repair. He just tried to reassure me that I will get better. I will. But I don't believe it will be as quick as I want it to be.
I can't control a lot of what's been going on. I can control how I take care of myself and my broken soul that just needs a little TLC (which is why the surprise overnighter with DH was so nice). I can't make doctor's schedules open up so they can see me sooner instead of making me wait forever between tests and diagnoses. I can't control that they can't see all of my brain adequately because of my braces. I can't control the fact that I have to have the braces on because of a fall that occured in October, that wasn't my fault. Try as I might, I can't control the dizziness or the fact that I may not get a definitive answer or prognosis. And in case you wondered, the current possible culprits include (as in any, a combo of any, or none of the above): the concussion (of course), dental work, excessive Ibuprofen use, something in my brain (which could also have been caused by the concussion), my thyroid, my thyroid medication, something else altogether, or excessive illness all at once (think my sinus infection on top of wisdom teeth removal and multiple dry sockets). I can't control the floaters in my vision these days and the endless aggravation it gives me (ok, maybe that part is up to me). However, I can acknowledge that it has been going on and wearing me out. I have never, and never will, ceased to be grateful for those good doctors who are so hard to get in to. I have done my best to not make my life all about this stuff or complaining. I must admit though that it is hard to pretend that something that takes up so much time is not there.
The morning before my mom passed away she and I had been having a long conversation. She told me, "I'm tired. I'm just so tired of it all." I sensed it. She had fought the good fight and was tired of fighting it. I can't tell you how many times these past months I have echoed those sentiments. But I haven't been ready to throw in the towel yet. No, instead I am recommitting myself to ME. Not in a selfish way. No. I am giving my soul a hug and a little bit of nurturing. This is my reminder to myself (and request for future reminders from you). It starts now and with a massage on Saturday. :)
I was thinking tonight of how I have felt restless today, and frequently lately. A yearning for something, but what? Why? As I was thinking of this it occured to me that perhaps it is simply a longing for peace and normalcy again. See, I had reached this state and feeling of contentment and happiness with pretty much all the aspects of my life. I had things figured out. I should clarify- I AM happy with my life. However, I would be fooling myself if I did not admit that these past six months have been HARD. Not in any way that ever seemed too difficult to handle. Not in any way that has left me feeling a low of lows (though, admittedly, things were pretty bad after the miscarriage when this all began). I have always felt greatly blessed and very grateful. No, this is different. It is a feelign of weariness. Like it has been a long, drawn-out process of wearying myself. I am not complaining. I am simply remembering what was once so liberating to myself after all this began... That no one can nurture me better than myself (except my Heavenly Father of course). I'm not sure if nurture is the right word. Let me see if I can explain. After my fall and concussion, as soon as I stopped bleeding from the miscarriage, I treated myself to a massage. I believe very strongly in the healing benefits of massage. After my massage I felt, almost overwhelmingly, as though my soul had been hugged. Like I had allowed myself to soothe some inner broken spirit by saying 'it's okay- it's been really hard and you've been through hard thing' and doing something nice and healing for myself by getting the massage. It was a wonderful and freeing experience after having been in bed for weeks becasue of the pain (both physical and emotional) of a miscarriage and then the physical trauma of a concussion and other injuries.
Well, as we all inevitably do, I got caught up in the business of life. I lost myself in the service of others. It didn't hurt that this occured just before November and the holiday season. As my body tried to heal and I sought answers to help it, I failed to remember to renew and uplift my soul. Since October my life has seemed an endless stream of doctor's appointments and ailments for myself. Of pain, frustration, and more questions than answers. It is one thing to always be taking your children to doctors or to fight to find answers for a loved one's medical condition. I find it so much more draining to have to do it for yourself. No wonder I have suddenly missed my mom more in the last month than I have in a long time! No wonder I have not just longed for, but truly YEARNED to travel, to get away, to immerse myself in art and nature and new things. No wonder I find myself suddenly wanting to move far away even though I love my home, my neighbors, my ward, my location. It's as if I think that doing something big and drastic will suddenly make me all better again. It won't.
I realized that the only way I am going to return to a state of 'normalcy' and vibrancy admidst the medical issues at hand is to acknowledge my own self and say 'hey, it's okay.' What a self-empowering thing that is. To say to yourself that you can be content and happy and satisfied and yet weary. To say that weekly appointments (at a minimum) would be draining on any person who did not take care of themselves, even some who did. To say that perhaps it isn't your fault that your body appears to be falling to pieces...and that if it is then that's okay too so long as you don't let your soul do the same. To acknowledge that you can just keep keepin on and forging forward but that even a long journey wearies the seasoned traveler. No wonder there are days when every fiber of my being just yearns for a break. But how do you take a break from yourself? From a body that isn't allowing you to do the things you really want to? You don't. Instead you must turn to confront it, to embrace it, to nurture it. Only then can you begin to heal, even if your body does not (or does not for a longer period of time).
I am going to try and remember these things especially as I go to my physical therapy tommorow. I left my last appointment in tears after having a setback so soon into treatment and being able to perform so few of the tasks. I expressed frustration to the therapist at the cause not being singled out...at the inability STILL to rule out a problem within the brain. I am sure that was my own (well founded) fears talking. I told them of how I didn't have time for this, for not being able to function normally. I needed my life back. Other people needed me fully back. The poor physical therapist was so kind and patient as I expressed my frustration at feeling like so much of my body was just one big mess that seemed beyond repair. He just tried to reassure me that I will get better. I will. But I don't believe it will be as quick as I want it to be.
I can't control a lot of what's been going on. I can control how I take care of myself and my broken soul that just needs a little TLC (which is why the surprise overnighter with DH was so nice). I can't make doctor's schedules open up so they can see me sooner instead of making me wait forever between tests and diagnoses. I can't control that they can't see all of my brain adequately because of my braces. I can't control the fact that I have to have the braces on because of a fall that occured in October, that wasn't my fault. Try as I might, I can't control the dizziness or the fact that I may not get a definitive answer or prognosis. And in case you wondered, the current possible culprits include (as in any, a combo of any, or none of the above): the concussion (of course), dental work, excessive Ibuprofen use, something in my brain (which could also have been caused by the concussion), my thyroid, my thyroid medication, something else altogether, or excessive illness all at once (think my sinus infection on top of wisdom teeth removal and multiple dry sockets). I can't control the floaters in my vision these days and the endless aggravation it gives me (ok, maybe that part is up to me). However, I can acknowledge that it has been going on and wearing me out. I have never, and never will, ceased to be grateful for those good doctors who are so hard to get in to. I have done my best to not make my life all about this stuff or complaining. I must admit though that it is hard to pretend that something that takes up so much time is not there.
The morning before my mom passed away she and I had been having a long conversation. She told me, "I'm tired. I'm just so tired of it all." I sensed it. She had fought the good fight and was tired of fighting it. I can't tell you how many times these past months I have echoed those sentiments. But I haven't been ready to throw in the towel yet. No, instead I am recommitting myself to ME. Not in a selfish way. No. I am giving my soul a hug and a little bit of nurturing. This is my reminder to myself (and request for future reminders from you). It starts now and with a massage on Saturday. :)
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
ramble.
These days it seems I can hardly think straight. Sure, life of a mom right? Well, yah. That and this craziness going on with my head. No sarcastic comments necessary. I got blindsided by a bizarre attack of vertigo back on Feb 23rd. The kind of room spinning that left me unable to stand and throwing up. Lying down didn't help either and it kept me up through the night. I saw a doctor the next day who told me it was probably a virus and then medicated me with a heavy dose of meclizine and promethazine. I literally slept for 24 hours solid and nearly another 24 hours after that. Anyway, long story short… Here we are at the beginning of April and I’m still seeing multiple doctors with no clear answers. I had a full 2 weeks where I truly was stuck in bed. I couldn't even take care of my kids and I’m so grateful to all the many people who stepped in to fill those shoes. Here’s a big bonus to marrying a return missionary too– DH really didn’t mind cooking for the family in the meantime (I could barely eat anyway) and was quite capable of doling out spaghetti, chili, quesadillas, mac and cheese, and more.
What have we determined? Well, meclizine doesn’t work. Benadryl plus Lorazepam makes you feel like you’ve had anesthesia. I was given an i.v. at one point because I was apparently dehydrated. Ummm… Oh, braces make it so you can’t see the frontal lobe on an MRI (but otherwise things look fine). My thyroid was bizarrely too high (weird since I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis)- still waiting on the results of the thyroid ultrasound. I suddenly have heart palpitations (waiting on the echo results as well). My period decided to go MIA for a month— which was really fabulous since I already was feeling like my body was freaking out. No, I’m not pregnant but apparently doctors are quick to jump to that conclusion when you tell them you are dizzy. I have a constant black spot in my vision, like someone just put a little tiny sharpie dot onto my eye. My vestibular nerve is too inflamed to tell whether the cause of the problem is in the brain or the ear canals…. however chances are that all this dizzy business can be traced to that fateful day. Yep. Even now. One speculation is that when I hit my head it dislodged some of the crystals that are deep in your inner ear and help you maintain balance. Over time they've migrated to the other side and started hitting the vestibular nerve…causing severe neuritis and all these fun problems.
So what does this mean? Well, I've had balance testing done and this thing called the Epiley Omniax. If you want a ride that will make you want to hurl, just try this thing out. I've had a couple of treatments. Now I have to go to physical therapy a couple times a week for 1-2 months to retrain my brain to recognize proper balance cues because I’m improperly compensating now– which can explain my constant fatigue. I’m still waiting to see the opthaneurologist about my eye spots and waiting for a return appointment for the results of the echo and ultrasound as well as some other bloodwork. Bonus? I have new glasses now. Forgot to mention that- I went to an eye doctor as well because my vision was being weird and it turned out my glasses were suddenly randomly overcorrecting my vision.
Anyway, I’m glad we have health insurance.
I’m just tired of visiting doctor’s offices and having to find sitters. At this rate I could’ve had a baby.
DH (and his mom) surprised me with a wonderful overnighter a couple of weeks ago. It was fantastic because I really needed it. I already need another. 
It’s been a long while since he and I were able to get away together overnight sans children. I am just so at my limit these days. I mean, it’s not really my limit because I know I can be pushed further and probably will be. I’m just saying that I’ve just been weary. For several months. Just plain weary. Not depressed, no. Weary. There’s a difference. So it was wonderful to have something nice done for me as a surprise.
It’s been a long while since he and I were able to get away together overnight sans children. I am just so at my limit these days. I mean, it’s not really my limit because I know I can be pushed further and probably will be. I’m just saying that I’ve just been weary. For several months. Just plain weary. Not depressed, no. Weary. There’s a difference. So it was wonderful to have something nice done for me as a surprise. Sunday, February 7, 2010
mouthing off.
So this is a story…all about how…my mouth got twist, turned upside down….
Well…not upside down exactly.
Perhaps you recall that fateful event in October? The concussion. The chipped tooth. The fractured too. The sprained jaw. Yeaaah….
It was a good month before I could close my jaw all the way. By that time it was obvious something wasn’t right. My teeth didn’t line up the same way that they had. I couldn’t chew bread or rice with my back teeth. I couldn’t bite a hangnail with my front teeth. So having gotten my chipped tooth repaired… having gotten multiple xrays to determine my roots thankfully hadn’t died (yet)…having decided there wasn’t much to do about the fractured tooth but deal with the sensitivity until it either went away gradually with time or got worse and became a dead root….Off to the dentist I went again.
For 6 weeks I visited the dentist every week. I was fitted with a deprogrammer that had to be adjusted each week. It’s basically like a retainer you wear on the top of your mouth but the inside is built up so that it comes down below your front teeth and prevents you from being able to close your mouth all the way and have your teeth touch (yes, you need to take it out to eat). This allows your jaw to relax and reestablish it’s natural bite. Sometimes this fixes things. Other times it just allows you to determine what needs to be done (from filing/restructuring a few teeth to full on orthodontics) to get that good bite again. Well, it took a month before my jaw settled into a consistent relaxed position. I went in for my final visit and was told that despite all efforts to stay as conservative as possible, I would need braces all the way across the top and bottom teeth and then some restructuring of my teeth as well.
Not two days after scheduling my braces (which was a couple weeks out), I got a horrible pain in my mouth. I could feel that there was a tooth now poking through at the back of my mouth. Of course it was the weekend too. So a few days of pain that refused to be calmed by anything and I was able to get in to the dentist again right away. And here I’d been so excited to have a couple weeks off. All it took was a look in my mouth and at some old xrays that the ortho had taken when I went in for a consult after the intial accident and it was pretty obvious what was going on… I had a wisdom tooth coming in. You’re thinking: You’re 28 and you still have your wisdom teeth?! I know. Well back when I went off to college I was 17 and had none. Then I went to college and didn’t have dental insurance. By the time I got myself some dental insurance I was continually pregnant (see the last 6 years of my life) and xrays were therefore out. Thus I didn’t get an xray of my mouth done in nearly 10 years. I knew I shouldn’t have listened to that dentist (a different one than my friend and childhood dentist that I switched to for all this madness) when he told me to just leave them be.
All it took was a look in my mouth and at some old xrays that the ortho had taken when I went in for a consult after the intial accident and it was pretty obvious what was going on… I had a wisdom tooth coming in. You’re thinking: You’re 28 and you still have your wisdom teeth?! I know. Well back when I went off to college I was 17 and had none. Then I went to college and didn’t have dental insurance. By the time I got myself some dental insurance I was continually pregnant (see the last 6 years of my life) and xrays were therefore out. Thus I didn’t get an xray of my mouth done in nearly 10 years. I knew I shouldn’t have listened to that dentist (a different one than my friend and childhood dentist that I switched to for all this madness) when he told me to just leave them be.
So it was… A week after being told I needed braces in 2 weeks (a very painfulweek I might add)… I was at the oral surgeon’s office getting 3 wisdom teeth out. Two were fully impacted. One was partially. I hate anesthesia (one of those love/hate things). It makes me so nervous. I was very grateful that my mom’s best friend (who thankfully withheld the story of her daughter’s near death anesthesia experience from the very day before until the second I came out of the anesthesia) was able to take me to the appointment and sit with me. I was also grateful that the oral surgeon’s assistant was my mom’s other best friend (yes, I planned it), and she talked away to me about book club until the anesthesia had set it before I even realized it. It’s always nice to have a familiar, friendly face around. The surgeon told me there was a good chance I’d have some (temporary) nerve damage because of my age- my teeth had gotten so large that there was a greater chance of hitting a nerve during the extraction and I had one that the nerve sat abnormally high. Thankfully I have had none of that.
(You didn’t really think that was the end of the story did you?) The surgery went fine. I did, however, get 2 dry sockets. Yup. Both sides. Turns out those are extremely painful. I didn’t do anything about it for a while because I didn’t quite realize what was going on. I couldn’t wear my deprogrammer for the few days after the surgery so I thought the pain I was feeling was the result of my bite being so off. That was one blessing of the wisdom teeth coming out- those days without the deprogrammer were a painful reminder that I really did need the braces. I was getting these horrible headaches and pain shooting up from my mouth to next to my eyes. I took so much Ibuprofen I worried I was going to be addicted or something (can you get addicted to it?). My surgery was on Thursday. The pain started Sunday. I should’ve called on Monday. Instead I tried the deprogrammer. It wasn’t until Wednesday that I called. Oh how I should’ve called sooner! I just didn’t want to go in again and inconvenience anyone. What a relief it was when the medicated bandages kicked in! So over the next week and a half I went in every few days to get the dressings changed. The final day, when they put in the dissolving kind, being the day after my braces were put on.
I feel like my mouth has been a mess for 3 months and that I’ve just been living in pain for that whole time. At first I was pretty upset about needing braces. Not because they were braces- it’s kind of nice to have the prospect of a ‘perfect’ smile. More because I saw them just as a daily and physical reminder of that awful week. After all, it was the day before ‘the incident’ that I had my miscarriage and now I was going to think about that every time I saw my braces. Well, I am happy to say that at this point I’m kinda over it. Getting the braces on was nothing compared to all the pain I’d been in for so long. Especially compared to the most recent pain of the last couple of weeks. I was getting additional headaches from chewing (too much too soon I guess) so I was put back on a soft diet. Now I’ve had the braces on for just over a week now. Wow, my mouth feels better than it has in months! Is it fun to have stuff in your mouth all the time or to not be able to bite down or chew whatever? Not particularly. But I’m pretty hopeful this will work out to be a good diet plan. So, you’d better watch out because in a year when I get these babies off I’ll also have gotten all this baby fat off and I’ll be lookin like a whole new me!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
a week of rain.
As the saying goes: “When it rains it pours.” Well, I guess we hit our overdue monsoon this week. Here’s what it looked like:
Monday: All is well. It’s beautiful out. I started having some pains on Sunday and Monday they got a little more frequent but I still was able to brush them off and say ‘all is well.’
Tuesday: I can’t walk. I call my OB and tell them I’m pretty sure my IUD (that I have had nearly a year now) is coming out and I am in a lot of pain. Miraculously, they are able to get me in right away. Thankfully my mother-in-law is able to watch the boys and my friend once again picks up P from school.
At the OB I leave a sample for ‘just in case’ because the nurse doesn’t believe me that it could possibly be the IUD. Even Dr. Volker is suspicious because that just doesn’t happen after having it that long. It’s pretty rare anyway. Nope, I was right. In his words, “looks like your body is definitely trying to expel the IUD.” So after a glare and some words about how you’re talking to the girl who got pregnant on birth control and now you’re telling me my body doesn’t like the IUD? the doctor reassures me that just because it happens once doesn’t mean it will happen again and that it would really only do it if there were a cause. So he tells me we will give my body a month to heal and then run some tests to look for fibroids or polyps or whatever must be growing to push it out. He sends me home with birth control but I decided there was only one safe way: abstinence.
That night my sister-in-law, who I love dearly, has her baby and all is well and we are happy.
Wednesday: I had previously scheduled an appointment with my regular physician for a check-up due to unexplained weight gain and low thyroid symptoms. Also, my tailbone (which I dislocated giving birth to W) has really been bothering me lately and I’m hoping to finally get it fixed. While I’m there I figure I might as well get the FluMist, because I thought getting the flu vaccine would be a good idea this year and I just wasn’t in the mood for a shot. I got flu-like symptoms by the time I drove home and found myself feeling like crap and dealing with what I thought were after-effects of having the IUD removed. I learn too that my sister-in-law named her baby Emma. I love this name. So much so that I had always planned to name a little girl of mine Emma Mae. When P came along it just felt right to name her after my mom, not Emma. When K2 came along I was positive he was my Emma. Shock didn’t cut it when I learned he was a boy. We said we were done having kids but didn’t do anything too permanent, obviously. We always thought we might end up adopting down the road- thus ensuring having a girl and naming her Emma Mae. So I found myself needing to deal with a finality I hadn’t quite dealt with yet. Not that I fault my sister-in-law in the very least. She could name her kid whatever she wanted, especially since we said we were done. So I dealt with the acknowledgment and finality that I would never have my Emma Mae here on earth and that we probably really were done. I spend a lot of the day in bed because I am, yet again, feeling crappy and tired and nauseous and just planning to shut out the world.
That morning W also had a visit to the dermatologist for a mole that had changed significantly. I was happy to hear he thought it not likely to be anything. He removed a portion of it though, to be safe.
Thursday: I get up and feel better. I’ve been up for a little while when I get sudden severe cramping and nausea. When I go to the bathroom (sorry for the tmi!) I don’t want to acknowledge the thought that pops into my mind (and I’ll spare you the rest of the details here). “That was my Emma Mae. I can’t have her here on earth but now I know I have her in heaven.” I put it out of my mind quickly, telling myself it’s crazy talk and that even if it isn’t then I’m just not going to deal with it. But I do start to wonder just how much bleeding and cramping is normal when and IUD comes out. I’m trying to look this up when the OB’s office calls. “We need you to come in for bloodwork and an ultrasound right away. It looks like the doctor suspects a pregnancy.”
The short of the story from there is that the ultrasound revealed no fibroids, no polyps, no anything. What I had tried to ignore that morning was the last of my unexpected, 2 month pregnancy that must’ve grown and pushed the iud out. The rest is just too personal, but if you think it- then I probably thought it. I do still have to go in tommorow for follow-up bloodwork to rule out any other issues. It does explain a lot of what I’d been feeling and experiencing over the last couple of months.
We also learned on Thursday that P’s best friend had been in the hospital since the previous afternoon with pneumonia. We were able to go hang out for several hours to keep her happy and occupied. I appreciated being able to hang out with my friend (who knew everything that was going on) and be able to put my mind on something else. By that night I was exhausted though in so many ways.
Friday: I was still feeling lousy and exhausted in the morning so DH was thankfully able to stay home part of the morning and take care of some doctor’s appointments for the kids. That afternoon I decided I’d had enough crying, moping, feeling lousy and it was time to move on and get out or I’d never feel better. So I finally got ready for the day and decided that if DH hadn’t arranged a date then I’d go out with some girlfriends. I’m doing okay and cleaning up the kitchen and getting ready to bake DH his favorite cookies as a way to make amends for all he’s had to do all week. W and P are playing next door, K is eating a snack, and K2 has just gotten up from his nap. He’s gone to go upstairs to play when I hear a tumble. I go racing from the kitchen to catch him just before he hits the last step & hardwood floor (and I’m certain he would’ve broken his arm the way it was sticking out).
Things, unfortunately, did not end so well for me. I don’t remember precisely what happened aside from slipping the opposite direction and the sound of a hard smack. I don’t remember actually catching K2, only that I know I did and must’ve set him down immediately. Our bottom step comes out in a sort of trapezoid shape. I recall smacking my face/jaw/neck area on that corner. I know I smacked my head on the floor as well (and now I realize I must’ve smacked my right side on the step as well). Next thing I know I’m face down and spitting out pieces of tooth and blood. I know K2 must be fine because he’s walking around and not crying. I try to get up but see stars and am just so dizzy. Thank goodness I have my phone in my pocket and am able to call DH to tell him, between spits of blood, to hurry home & that I fell. When the dizziness subsided enough, I got to the bathroom and called my neighbor to come get K and K2. She got me on the couch with ice and put W in charge of making sure I didn’t fall asleep. My neighbor kept the kids and fed them dinner until she had to go to a soccer game. My friend brought me a smoothie because I hadn’t had any dinner yet and couldn’t open my mouth. It wasn’t until the kids had gone to bed that I decided to go to the ER to be safe. My friend took me until the neighbors got home and then one of them came and slept on our couch so DH could come hang out with me.
I learned that somewhere in the recent years I developed an anxiety for CT scans and MRIs. They used to not phase me, I’ve had so many. But I guess it’s just been since my mom’s death I’m paranoid that one is going to show something. I was none too thrilled about needing a CT. But all was well. I was sent home with Ibuprofen 800 (I turned down the Lortab- that stuff’s just nasty) and a diagnosis of a neck sprain and concussion and the knowledge that I’d have to see a dentist on Monday for my mouth stuff. They warn me that I’m going to feel worse in the coming days and feel like I’ve been in a car accident.
Saturday: I take my meds and ice my face/neck as told. I’m so tired of being in bed by this point though that I decide I need to get out- concussion or not. So I go to Red Apple Days with the family. I take it easy though because it’s quickly apparent that I really do have a concussion as moving makes me nauseous. Getting kinda tired of the nausea here. I go to the funnest baby shower I’ve ever been to, and it’s nice to be out, but I can tell it’s quickly wearing on me. My tongue is raw from my broken tooth (bottom front) scraping the bottom of it. My brilliant friend Janet talks to her husband, who is an orthodontist, and he says he may be able to give me some relief and will see me in his office later. I’m happy that between the two events I’ve found at least some food I can eat- chili and some chicken salad that had very finely shredded chicken in it. See, I can’t use my front teeth at all, nor half my jaw because it won’t open or close all the way.
I was exhausted and slept like a baby for the next 3 or 4 hours until our babysitter got there for our date and visit to the orthodontist's office. Our plan was to get my tooth fixed, eat soup at Marie Callenders, then go to the drive-ins so I could lay in the Luv-Sac to watch a movie. The orthodontist was fantastic. He rounded off my tooth so that it’ll quit scraping my tongue in the meantime. He said I should probably wait a couple weeks before trying to get it fixed since the one next to it is hypersensitive right now (it hurts me all the time). My jaw is definitely still swollen and tramautized- and probably will be for a week, maybe two. It was quite apparent to him that I also chewed up my tongue and cheek as well. The tooth that broke seems to have nerve damage- in fact, the nerve may be dead all together…which means a possible root canal in my future. I laughed at him and told him he was talking to a girl who just barely had her first cavity. He told me I needed to rest my jaw as much as possible, stick to a soft diet, and gave me a mouthguard to wear at night to keep me from clenching my teeth and further inflaming things. I tried wearing it last night but it hurt having it touch all my teeth that were sensitive so I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that one.
I’m pretty tired by the end of dinner but want to go to the movie anyway. Fame was a bit of a let-down and I fell asleep just before the end of it. But it was a beautiful night and I was mighty comfortable in that Luv-Sac shoved in the back of DH’s truck.
Today: It’s pretty obvious I overdid things yesterday. I’m so tired. But I’m also so tired of being tired and of being in bed. And yet, when I’m up I am reminded of just how much I hate concussions and how much they can mess you up. After all, I’ve had 3 or 4 in my lifetime. It’s quite obvious I have a sinus infection now too. I could feel it coming on over the last few days. It is in full swing today, complete with 100 degree fever. At least tommorow is Monday and it means getting antibiotics from the doctor.
I can move my jaw a little bit more but other parts of me are more sore and stiff. Turning my head makes me want to throw up so driving is out. My shoulder is sore so I haven’t even tried lifting K2 (not that DH has even let me hold him).
Emotionally, I think I’m still sort of a mess. A part of me says “Well, this is life. What happened happened. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. It could be worse.” And it certainly could and thank goodness it’s not! Part of me is done with being sad and is ready to move on. Part of me though just feels so physically miserable that it’s making me still emotionally miserable. That part wants my mommy. I want her to hold me and tell me nice things and make me laugh and do whatever she’d do so perfectly to make everything all better. But, see, I can’t dwell on that too much or I’ll start being too sad and then I’ll cry…and have you ever tried crying when you have a concussion and a sinus infection? It’s just a recipe for a head explosion.
So that was our week of rain. I think I’m going to take a nap now. And then maybe I’ll find a movie to watch that has rainbows in it or something.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
warning: possible tmi.
So here's what's been going on the past few days.
I've had an IUD for almost a year now because DH and I decided we were done having kids but not ready to do anything permanent.
About 2 1/2-3 weeks ago I started my normal cycle. It's been really light the last few months like you'd expect after having an IUD as long as I have. This time, not so much. It started off normal. Then it suddenly got like a regular period. Then way heavy. Then gone. But only for a day. Then it comes back like crazy. Much like you'd expect when the IUD is first put in- only with lots of clotting- like you'd expect when it's taken out. The other weird thing is that I've had a lot of nausea and cramping (like bad PMS) like I haven't had in a long time.
So Sunday I start getting this pinching pain but it's only on ocassion. Same with Monday. A little more frequent. By Tuesday morning I can't walk and all I can think is that it feels like my IUD has come out partially and is poking me. So I call my OB and he is thankfully able to get me in right away. Seriously, this is like a miracle because he is the Chief of Staff at one of the hospitals here and is a very busy man.
He thinks I'm crazy when I tell him what I suspect because that is extremely rare and really only happens in the first couple months after insertion. Whaddya know... I was dead on. His exact words "It looks like your body is definitely trying to expel the IUD for some reason. It's half in and half out. I'm so glad you got in here or it might've come out and I'd be seeing you in another few months with an unexpected pregnancy." I agreed and gave him a glare and expressed my extreme displeasure at the situation and asked why on earth it would just suddenly try coming out. He said that sometimes a growth will develop, like fibroids or polyps, and as it enlarges it will push it out. So he says we need to give it a month to heal then do an ultrasound to check.
That night my sister-in-law gives birth to a baby girl and names her Emma, what I have always wanted to name a girl...The name I had haunting me when I realized it was time to get pregnant again...the name I planned to name Kyle when I was certain he was a girl. This isn't important because we're done but it just adds to things y'know.
This morning I'm a little weirded out because I'm bleeding just so much and I'm thinking 'this is as bad or worse than after a baby.' But I have had an IUD for a while and it does build up and everything I look up indicates it's normal for after an IUD is removed.
So now I get a phone call from my OB's office. They want me in for an ultrasound right away. And STAT bloodwork. Why? I just had an IUD out. I'm supposed to do that in a month. The nurse's answer: "It looks like the doctor suspects a pregnancy. We need you in right away."
The other kicker? Lets just say it's been a dry spell.
I've had an IUD for almost a year now because DH and I decided we were done having kids but not ready to do anything permanent.
About 2 1/2-3 weeks ago I started my normal cycle. It's been really light the last few months like you'd expect after having an IUD as long as I have. This time, not so much. It started off normal. Then it suddenly got like a regular period. Then way heavy. Then gone. But only for a day. Then it comes back like crazy. Much like you'd expect when the IUD is first put in- only with lots of clotting- like you'd expect when it's taken out. The other weird thing is that I've had a lot of nausea and cramping (like bad PMS) like I haven't had in a long time.
So Sunday I start getting this pinching pain but it's only on ocassion. Same with Monday. A little more frequent. By Tuesday morning I can't walk and all I can think is that it feels like my IUD has come out partially and is poking me. So I call my OB and he is thankfully able to get me in right away. Seriously, this is like a miracle because he is the Chief of Staff at one of the hospitals here and is a very busy man.
He thinks I'm crazy when I tell him what I suspect because that is extremely rare and really only happens in the first couple months after insertion. Whaddya know... I was dead on. His exact words "It looks like your body is definitely trying to expel the IUD for some reason. It's half in and half out. I'm so glad you got in here or it might've come out and I'd be seeing you in another few months with an unexpected pregnancy." I agreed and gave him a glare and expressed my extreme displeasure at the situation and asked why on earth it would just suddenly try coming out. He said that sometimes a growth will develop, like fibroids or polyps, and as it enlarges it will push it out. So he says we need to give it a month to heal then do an ultrasound to check.
That night my sister-in-law gives birth to a baby girl and names her Emma, what I have always wanted to name a girl...The name I had haunting me when I realized it was time to get pregnant again...the name I planned to name Kyle when I was certain he was a girl. This isn't important because we're done but it just adds to things y'know.
This morning I'm a little weirded out because I'm bleeding just so much and I'm thinking 'this is as bad or worse than after a baby.' But I have had an IUD for a while and it does build up and everything I look up indicates it's normal for after an IUD is removed.
So now I get a phone call from my OB's office. They want me in for an ultrasound right away. And STAT bloodwork. Why? I just had an IUD out. I'm supposed to do that in a month. The nurse's answer: "It looks like the doctor suspects a pregnancy. We need you in right away."
The other kicker? Lets just say it's been a dry spell.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
a post from myspace
So
I've neglected most any type of keeping in touch for a little while
and thought perhaps I should just give the rundown of what's been
going on the last couple of months around here....
Once
Upon a Family- kept me incredibly busy through mid-July as I was
trying for a major goal...I am now an Honorary Founder and also on
the Advisory Council. That means my opinion will matter and
make a difference in the company. Pretty cool to me anyhow.
Next week I will be attending their big 'family reunion' in Chicago.
I'm really looking forward to this as it will be great informational
seminars and workshops. Also, the keynote speakers will be
Linda and Richard Eyre, who are amazing. Then, to top it all
off, I get to have a spa day for making founder.
Traveling
has kept me pretty crazy busy as well. We went to San Diego as
a family at the beginning of June and that was a blast! Then we
had a weekend in Beaver, UT for DH's family reunion...the next
weekend was camping in Parowan, UT for my family reunion.
Thankfully, the kids were good and we all had a pretty good time.
Now, this weekend I am going back to San Diego with my sister and our
best friends to see Wicked. It'll be a quick, one-night trip
but I'm sure it'll be tons of fun.
Between
the work (not to mention DH being busy with a/c--thank goodness he
quit the 2nd job- valet) and the traveling we've had plenty at home
to keep us busy as well...My Grandpa (my mom's dad) passed
away shortly before Mother's Day. The following week I found
out I was pregnant. It kept me wiped out for quite a
while...thankfully I feel much better these days (I'm now 14weeks
along). In the 3 weeks after that my best friend had
a baby as did my sister-in-law. Then June found my
Grandpa (my mom's stepdad) in the hospital with heart
troubles. I was with my aunt on July 14th when we
took him off of the ventilator and said goodbye. I've had
enough of hospitals and funerals. His funeral was a week ago
and it was our 5th one this year. I had an uncle staying with
me for the past week and have been busy trying to help clear out my
grandpa's house and take care of business. There's not much
left to my mom's family anymore.
As
I mentioned, I'm 14 weeks along. I have an appointment with a
perinatologist this week because apparently there may be something
wrong with the baby. Something to do with my hypothyroidism.
We'll see. At least I get an in-depth ultrasound and that may
be cool. I'm happy to be feeling better but I'm having a hard
time with all this gaining weight back business. I know it's
for good reason but it's pretty hard mentally to gain back weight and
grow back out of clothes that you worked so hard for. It's
especially hard that I can see it so much in my face already...a
place I was pretty happy to have it gone from. I asked the dr
how much I should gain and he said 35-40lbs. My jaw dropped.
That's almost all the weight I just lost!!! I'm just going to
eat the best I can and exercise and then go from there. All the
stress we've been under hasn't helped much so I'm really making an
effort to elminate some things and slow things down. I just
feel like I've been treading water the last little while and will
never be caught up on things. Now I've decided that's okay.
I'm just living life day to day.
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