Quick lil recap

I know that I haven't posted in far too long.  Suffice to say, it has been an up and down few months....pretty standard for life I think.  I did relapse for a bit I think but I was able to find support again and all is well.  Satan tried to get into my head and make me feel helpless, but I knew that wasn't true.  I know I'm not broken.  I know I'm not beyond help.  I know he just wants me to think that way.  My coach basically stopped coaching and my challenge group had ended and I felt like I was trying to coach some others while I was in desperate need of saving myself.  You can't help others and save others until you've helped yourself.

All is well now.

In fact, I'm pretty darn excited for 2014.

I'm starting up P90X3 and I'm beyond stoked to do this (30 minute) program and to complete it.  I have missed the structure of a program laid out for me.  I could have done better and stuck to another actual schedule after finishing ChaLean, but I used my triathlon training as an excuse.  (Oh yah.... I need to post about THAT.... I finished IronGirl!!!!!!!!!!).  In any case, it's going to be awesome and I'm ready to bring it.


I did the following post on FB tonight and felt it would be nice to just have the little recap here as well:
I wrote this in Feb: "Maybe these lousy results will help me be more focused and motivated with the prospect of being in a swimsuit at the end of this next month. It's either that or I feel it's pointless and doing no good and I should accept this really is the 'new me' from now on (these are the mind battles I have with myself). It occurs to me that this is how an addict feels- that their efforts are pointless, that they are defective human beings, that they can have a little bit of leeway and it won't make a big difference but they get upset when it adds up and does."

Then this at the end of April: "Today was the first day of the new challenge group I committed to participating in. It will be really great to have the accountability of a group to report to each and every day. I can't tell you how positive I feel about this...about it being 'right' for me...about having all the tools I need to have this be 'it' and the last time. "

I posted this in May: http://just4thehealthofit.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-whys-and-hows.html

Wrote this in June: "There is a mental power to feeling physically strong... especially when you feel like people look at you and see someone who is weak. Do you do that when you see someone who is overweight? You don't know what's really in there. "

I wrote this to myself in August: "These things do not define you, and yet they are you. Being a new and better person doesn't mean that you were a bad person before. It doesn't invalidate or lessen the worth of your self at any given stage in your life. You are simply at a different point in your life now. You are here because of what you've been through but you might have been here even without them. You might not be here without them. You could be in a different place, a much worse place, because of all this. You needn't feel bad. You are strong. You are a survivor. You have hurt and you have tried to take care of yourself and you have tried to protect yourself...all the best you could and the best you knew how with what you had at the time. You really did try your best with what you had and what you understood and where you were in your life."

and this: "I feel so empowered when I think of this. I think how just such a short time ago I was acting upon just a glimpse of a desire. I wasn't sure that this Beachbody thing would work but I had a small enough desire to give it a change. I was afraid of admitting to and facing an eating disorder, but I had just a glimmer of a hope that the change I saw in my husband could happen with me.

I haven't lost a ton of weight and yet I am finally able to envision that other me. The fit and healthy and unstoppable me. I see her again. I couldn't find her for a long time. I don't feel that it's like I'm some suddenly different person. I see it more as having been in a place of light for so long that my eyes had adjusted and I didn't see just how much brighter it could be.....I didn't realize not all the lights were on, until they were on. It's tasting that delicious fruit of the tree of life and wanting to share it with others because you didn't realize how much you were missing out on."

and I haven't really written on my blog since.... BUT I feel EXACTLY THAT WAY there at the end still. THAT's how I know this works and is going to keep on working. THAT'S why I am doing what I am doing.

You know what's funny? At a friend's suggestion, I started trying to come up with a single word to be my focus for the year. This year the word I chose was NOURISH. Man, I had no idea where that would take me. So awesome!

happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  I started the day by joining my Stake for a 5K first thing in the morning with these two.

porn and adultery

I like this blogger. 

"I don’t mean to concentrate only on married men. Porn is poison for everyone, married or not. And I’m not here to castigate you if you’ve stumbled. We live in a society that preys upon a man’s weaknesses, shoving sex into his face at hyper speed every day, all day, all of the time. This isn’t an excuse; just an attempt to put things into context. I won’t yell at a guy who fights a porn addiction anymore than I’d yell at a guy who fights a crack addiction. But at least the crack addict likely won’t encounter very many people (besides his dealer) who will tell him that it’s actually healthy to smoke crack. If he ventures outside of the abandoned shack where he scores his dope, he probably won’t find any respectable people who will say, “hey, crack isn’t a big deal — it’s totally natural to smoke crack, man!” In that way, the crack smoker has a leg up on the porn addict. The porn addict, by contrast, has to fight both the compulsion itself and the myriad of creeps who will try to convince him that it’s all just a bit of innocent fun.

That’s a lie, of course. It’s not innocent. It’s not fun.

I could cite for you the mounds of psychiatric research proving the detrimental effects of pornography on the brain. But you can do that research yourself."

Read more: http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/11/25/married-men-your-porn-habit-is-an-adultery-habit/

some things I am grateful for

I am grateful for exercise endorphins that remind you WHY you work out! No matter how you miss it or if you know the difference it makes for you, it can be SO hard to start again after a long hiatus (and I NEVER would have thought that it would become such a consistent thing for me that I would notice it's absence so much after just a few weeks). I am grateful to be able to work from home- both on my health goals and from a business standpoint. I'm grateful for effective programs that get it done in 30 minutes or less because I am BUSY. I am grateful. I am grateful for music and the power it has to power you through something and make you push yourself harder than you would otherwise. I'm grateful that I finally got to kill it with Les Mills today, and that after so long 'off' I didn't feel like I was going to die...I felt as great as ever. YAY!!! I'm grateful that when you are fit and may have setbacks from injury or illness, your body recovers so much differently and so much faster than it would otherwise. I used to use that as an excuse to not push myself as hard or not even try- I didn't want to injure myself or push my asthmatic lungs too much. Now I've learned how to listen to my body better (I knew what was going to happen going into IronGirl but I chose to take that risk for the reward) and I've learned that I can care for it AND push it and make it stronger and healthier. It wasn't like starting over back at square one after several weeks of nothing. I am so grateful for that. And seriously...this 'high'....I reallllly love the Les Mills Combat 30 workout.

the worth of water

Ever just feel....'off'? That's me tonight. I know now that generally either means an emotion or conversation I am avoiding, or a lack of self-care. That's why I am holed up in my craft room to organize, clean, and take care of some unfinished projects. It is my self-care and I find that if I have things I am avoiding they will come naturally to me that way.

hello Monday

Why so cheery on a Monday morning? The shake I'm having for breakfast is dang good (greenberry with Mango naked juice), I'm full on rocking the legging with cozy socks and an oversized sweater just because I can, I started my day off right with the 40 days/40 nights challenge, and I'm fairly certain that today I will finally be able to exercise again! It's a great day to recommit to everything I want in life and to start fresh. I WILL finish the year out strong instead of getting distracted by the holidays.

pornography opt-in

There is a petition going around regarding making pornography an opt-in item.  I think that my stance on pornography is pretty clear.  However, my brother posted his opinion on it on Facebook.  I think he makes some good points that are at least just worth thinking about.  We may not have the same opinion of pornography, but I can at least appreciate his point of view and I actually find it pretty in line with my thoughts.
Here is what he wrote:

"This is a comment about the internet porn opt-in idea. Not looking to start the inevitable huge discussion, just bringing up a point you might not have thought about. Also, it's going to be long, so if you don't feel like reading, it's fine to just pass it by. Facebook may not be the best political forum in the first place.
Sometimes people want to make burning the flag illegal. The problem is, what is the flag? That design, stars and stripes, right? If someone gets a tattoo of the flag, is it illegal to cremate them? What about a shirt with the flag printed on it? How much of something has to be the flag design to not be burned? What if you put the wrong number of stripes or different colors, still on a rectangle cloth and then burn it?

You run into the same problem with porn. What are you going to define it as? No nipples, no genitals, right? What about slightly transparent clothing? Really tight clothing? Body paint? What if I photoshop the nipples out? What if it's blurred? How blurry does it have to be to be blurry enough? Do art pieces featuring Venus get banned? Are naked people only allowed in paintings before 1900? And a statue of Lady Justice? What about medical reference material? Diagrams? And how about romance novel text, or written erotica? Does this person eating a phallic food provocatively count?

The point is, you have to create some sort of entity that has the authority to make these judgement calls. More poignantly, you have to create a government entity with the power to censor things people are putting out there. Now, since you've been skimming pretty quickly, I'll write that again - You have to create a government entity with the power to censor things people are putting out there. I hope I don't have to go too much into why that's kind of a problematic concept. For reference, here's the first amendment to the constitution: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Yep, Britain has started one. You might notice that what started as a porn filter also will now be blocking "violent material" "extremist and terrorist related content" "anorexia and eating disorder websites" "suicide related websites" "web forums" and "esoteric material." Now, if porn is a blurry line, you can imagine what happens with questions about violence or the line where religion becomes extremism. And the last two just give free reign to anything. (You may also recall that British laws lacked certain freedoms, which resulted in our current constitution.)

I could go on about what I saw in China, where the government does block unhealthy information in order to protect its citizens. And this discussion in general is a can of worms with the FCC, the NSA and so on. Opting in to see what should be other people's free speech will cause you to be flagged.

The point (and the tldr) is just that I want you, my friends and family, to understand another angle. I know that as parents, spouses, and individuals, porn may have affected your life negatively. You can still think porn is bad, but also think that a government entity that controls the information you see is bad, too."

You run into the same problem with porn. What are you going to define it as? No nipples, no genitals, right? What about slightly transparent clothing? Really tight clothing? Body paint? What if I photoshop the nipples out? What if it's blurred? How blurry does it have to be to be blurry enough? Do art pieces featuring Venus get banned? Are naked people only allowed in paintings before 1900? And a statue of Lady Justice? What about medical reference material? Diagrams? And how about romance novel text, or written erotica? Does this person eating a phallic food provocatively count?

The point is, you have to create some sort of entity that has the authority to make these judgement calls. More poignantly, you have to create a government entity with the power to censor things people are putting out there. Now, since you've been skimming pretty quickly, I'll write that again - You have to create a government entity with the power to censor things people are putting out there. I hope I don't have to go too much into why that's kind of a problematic concept. For reference, here's the first amendment to the constitution: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
Yep, Britain has started one. You might notice that what started as a porn filter also will now be blocking "violent material" "extremist and terrorist related content" "anorexia and eating disorder websites" "suicide related websites" "web forums" and "esoteric material." Now, if porn is a blurry line, you can imagine what happens with questions about violence or the line where religion becomes extremism. And the last two just give free reign to anything. (You may also recall that British laws lacked certain freedoms, which resulted in our current constitution.)
I could go on about what I saw in China, where the government does block unhealthy information in order to protect its citizens. And this discussion in general is a can of worms with the FCC, the NSA and so on. Opting in to see what should be other people's free speech will cause you to be flagged.
The point (and the tldr) is just that I want you, my friends and family, to understand another angle. I know that as parents, spouses, and individuals, porn may have affected your life negatively. You can still think porn is bad, but also think that a government entity that controls the information you see is bad, too."

starting Christmas season early

I see a lot of you posting critiques of Christmas infringing upon the month of November and Thanksgiving. I just want to clarify that I really love Christmas and I really love Thanksgiving, and think that it's important to be thankful ALL year long. I think the stores have gone a little bit crazy, but I totally know they do it because the longer they have that stuff out and put you in the 'holiday spirit', then the more you are likely to spend overall during the season. It's all marketing and I am totally guilty of falling victim to it. However, I want to assure you, that this is not the case with crafters and those of us who make handmade items. For us, you getting a jump on your holiday planning and shopping means a more enjoyable holiday for us. We WANT you to have that extra special item because we know that sometimes makes a person's holiday. We WANT to be able to fulfill all orders and provide as much as possible, not just because it helps us with our own bank account and holiday shopping, but because it genuinely brings us joy to create something for you. We anxiously DO want your business and we anxiously want the holiday memories with our own families, and so it becomes a balancing act. When you think and plan ahead with handmade gifts in mind, it is SO helpful. We hope that you understand that many shops, ours included, will have to put an end to accepting orders and it may even be a few weeks before Christmas (in other words, just as some of you are getting started) just to keep it all together. I hope that you understand and realize that when we post things for Hobbyholica, we are doing so out of this spirit. We do not want to distract from the spirit of family and gratitude that can and should prevail in November. On the contrary, we do what we do because we LOVE it and feel SO GRATEFUL to have been blessing with talents that we enjoy and can share with others in a way that also blesses and benefits our family.

could that be a light I see

Feeling rather hopeful this morning. I can breathe just fine while walking at a normal pace again. YAY! I got in with the ENT this afternoon to hopefully take care of the vertigo episodes. I looked up rental listings and the newest rentals are significantly cheaper than they were even a couple weeks ago. So much more house for less money. One in our neighborhood that is the exact same house we are currently in may be worth looking into....but there are others still zoned for the same school that are larger and cheaper.... Now we just need to figure out what would happen if we found something and wanted to move NOW, BEFORE Christmas rather than waiting until the house sold (we currently have agreed that even if it sells it will be until Jan 1 before we would have to leave and that come Jan 1 our contract will convert to month to month). Keep praying and keeping your fingers crossed that all this madness can work to be a major blessing for our family.

happy birthday to my husband

15 years ago I started dating my best friend. We have been on quite the roller coaster since but I wouldn't have another person by my side. Thank you Billy for working hard to be the man you are today. Thank you for your humility and sacrifices. Thank you for your work and dedication to making it possible for me to stay home. Thank you for your patience and love. Thank you for teaching me things and never judging me. Thank you for loving chances to care for me and for sometimes being the mother that I lack. Thank you for being a man that my mother loved from the beginning even when she saw your flaws. I'm so blessed that you two were able to be friends. I hope you have had a good day and feel the love you deserve to feel from myself and many around you.